Marriage and Money Troubles

Here's a piece from USA Today that covers many of the money issues people face in marriage. The highlights:

• Which financial issues most often cause strife? Spending too much and saving too little, according to couples who responded to a USA TODAY/CNN/Gallup Poll in March.

• "Overspending is no different than being an alcoholic or drug addict" in its effect on a relationship, says Jan Dahlin Geiger, a financial planner in Atlanta. "What one person is doing could have a huge negative impact on the couple's finances."

• Research scientist Jay Zagorsky tracked married couples born from 1957 to 1964 and found that money is consistently one of their top three topics for argument. Couples can't agree even on how much debt, income and assets they have, his research shows.

• Making matters worse is that couples don't talk much about money before committing to each other. Nearly two-thirds of married couples who responded to USA TODAY's poll said they talked little or not at all before the wedding about how to combine their finances.

It's almost a law of nature: spenders marry savers and vice versa. It's part of the whole "opposites attract" thing. Unfortunately, when opposites merge their finances, it's a disaster waiting to happen.

Is it surprising that "spending too much and saving too little" is the main problem? It shouldn't be. That's the main money issue for most Americans, so I guess it makes sense that it's the one impacting marriages the most. And it's a big, big problem. Look at these statistics from USA Today:

The personal savings rate is negative, meaning Americans spend more than they earn. And the portion of disposable income going toward paying down debt — including mortgage and credit card debt — is near a record high. Households with at least one credit card carried an average of $9,498 in card debt in 2005, nearly twice the level of a decade ago, according to CardWeb.com.

The piece ends by listing some of the issues that have complicated couples' finances in recent years:

• Marrying later.
• Two-income families.
• Balancing financial control.
• Non-traditional relationships.
• Divorce and remarriage.

I can't emphasize it enough that it's important to talk about your financial goals, desires, and plans both before you're married and after you get married. For us, we talk about big-picture money issues once a year as we do our annual budget. This forces us to lay all the issues out on the table and discuss them. Then, we discuss them periodically throughout the year as they come up throughout the year.

For those of you who would like more information on spending less than you earn, getting out of debt, and the like, see these posts:

• The Richest Man in Babylon: Seven Cures for a Lean Purse Part 2, Control Thy Expenditures

• Nine Ways to Pay Off Debt

• 7 Credit Card Trends that Can Cost You

• Marriage and Money: Money Magazine Survey

Comments

[MoneyDummy]

It's interesting that the number one cause for debate is spending too much and saving too little, because last night my husband and I had a disagreement about precisely the opposite. He feels that I'm too intent on saving and that I don't allow enough spending.

Any other PFBloggers have similar conflicts?

[FMF]

My wife and I sometimes have the same discussion. She's REALLY frugal and the subject usually comes up when I want to buy something expensive (like a new road bike). However, it can come up with something as small as there's no ketchup for the hamburgers that night for dinner because ketchup wasn't on sale this week!!! ;-)

[Anonymous]

I agree with you about spenders and savers marrying each other, but not for the reason that you cited. My wife and I are both savers. We actually reinforce it in each other. However, we each have things we will spend on. There are times when one of us is more willing to spend than the other. Even two savers will have different ideas of how much saving is required and what to spend on.

[Obioma]

I agree totally that spenders often marry savers. I am a spender but my husband is a good saver, he always want to be convinced before i spend on anything big. Initially we argued about it but when i realized that he was only helping me i allowed him to win. Now he manage our spending account and i am really enjoying the good savings we are making.