Is Money Agreement the Key to a Good Marriage?

Here's a NY Times piece that asks if money is the key to marriage bliss. Some highlights:

If you ask married people why their marriage works, they are probably not going to say it’s because they found their financial soul mate.

But if they are lucky, they have. Marrying a person who shares your attitudes about money might just be the smartest financial decision you will ever make. In fact, when it comes to finances, your marriage is likely to be your most valuable asset — or your largest liability.

Making [money] choices as a team is one of the most important ways to preserve your marital assets, and your union, experts say. But it’s that much easier when you already share similar outlooks on money matters — or when you can, at the very least, find some middle ground.

The economies achieved by pairing up are fairly obvious. However, the costs of divorce can be financially devastating, especially when children are involved. And, not surprisingly, money manages to force a wide wedge between many couples.

“Most people think people break up over sex issues and children issues — and those are issues — but money is a huge factor in breaking up marriages,” said Susan Reach Winters, a divorce lawyer in Short Hills, N.J.

The piece goes on to say that not everyone is married to someone who sees finances they way they see them (in fact, my guess is that most people are married to financial opposites). But there are things you can do to become more compatible financially. Here are their suggestions along with FMF articles that go along with the thoughts:

Before walking down the aisle, couples should have a talk about their financial health and goals.

FMF resource: 10 Tips to Set Your Money Future Before You Get Married

Make a budget and keep track of earnings, expenses and debts. And structure your business as a partnership; when it comes to making big financial decisions and setting goals, do it together.

FMF resource: How We Budget

Having a supportive partner helps you professionally, which should trickle down to your mutual bottom line.

FMF resource: Maximizing Your Greatest Asset: Why Your Career is So Important

Create a cash cushion, and live a lifestyle you can sustain.

FMF resource: My Best Financial Advice: Spend Less than You Earn

An independent third party, whether a financial planner or a therapist, can help you find a middle ground.

FMF resource: Thoughts on Financial Planners

Carve out some money for both partners to spend on things that make them happy.

FMF resource: Solve Marriage Spending Differences by Having a Personal Account

Spend it — time and money — together.

FMF resource: How to Be Happy

And if these aren't enough, here are some additional posts on money and marriage that may help you/be of interest:

• Interesting Facts on Marriage and Money

• When Does "My" Money Become "Our" Money?

• How to Divorce the Right Way Financially

• MND: Both Spouses Must be Frugal

Comments

I wouldn't say we got married just because of financial compatibility, but my husband tells me often that he wouldn't have married someone who wasn't as responsible with money as I am and didn't feel the same way as him. Every time I joke that he wanted to marry so-and-so instead, he says "no way, she spent $xx on such and such. You would never do that." It's cute. We talk about our finances a lot, so much that we get annoyed when we run out of things to talk about. I guess we are just nerds that way.

[dsmith]

The artictle says: "If you ask married people why their marriage works, they are probably not going to say it’s because they found their financial soul mate." My hypothesis is that if you asked divorced couples why their marriage didn't work a much higher percentage would say it was because they did not find "their financial soul mate.". I think money issues/problems are a big contributor (if not the biggest) to marital problems.

[Kristen]

I definitely think money plays into marriage (and divorce!). I am a tax accountant by trade and very detail oriented. My husband is more creative and less detail oriented. I keep up with the bills and track our day to day spending. He is in grad school so because we only have one income our money is shared. We plan to continue this even on two incomes. However we each have our monthly "spending money" because early in our marriage there was some resentment about who was spending what. My husband is less concerned about exactly how much is in the account or how many dollars we spent on groceries each month. But because I keep up with all of this we are able to look at it together and decide our game plan going forward. We may not have the same every day financial viewpoint but overall we are on the same page and each bring our strengths to the table. I think a strong marriage has to involve frequent discussions about your finances.

[guinness416]

I've said this elsewhere, but people change, so I'd be hesitant to say only get involved with people with good finances. All the blogs run by former financial basket cases are testimony to that, no? I'm by nature a saver, but married a spender (although he had no major debt when we got together). He could never be called frugal, but his habits have "improved". But regardless, if I hadn't married him, I'd be significantly the poorer in non-financial ways, that's for sure.