A Friend as a Boss

Ever have a friend as a boss? I don't mean being friendly with the boss, I'm talking about the scenario where you and a friend are at similar levels in the company, then he gets promoted and becomes your boss. Ever have that happen to you? How did you handle it?

Several years ago I had a friend who was at the same level as me. I then moved to a different division and he moved up a notch. A year or so later I moved back to the original division and my friend was now my boss.

I must admit that it was awkward for me at first. We had always been buddies, working together in the trenches, swapping stories about the execs/bosses, and having a great time (and yes, goofing off now and then.) But now he was my boss. He was "them", not part of "us".

But it only took a couple of months until things fell into place, mostly because he was one of the coolest bosses I ever had -- so easy to work for. I eventually came to appreciate him as my boss (versus appreciating him as my friend) and we had several good years together before I left the company. That said, our friendship was never the same -- not the way it had been.

How about you -- have you ever had a friend as a boss? How did you handle it?

Comments

[janie]

I just heard that the girl who got the title I wanted before I left my previous job is now roommates with the HR director!
Sure, they are technically at the same level, but I think it's incredibly inappropriate for an HR director to be that good of friends with anyone at the company. What if someone complains against the girl? Or they have a few glasses of wine and start discussing things that HR should keep quiet?

[guinness416]

A couple of my previous fellow senior consultants are now shareholders at our firm. I'm happy for them but don't treat them any differently. I don't censor opinions (good and bad) about clients, deadlines, internal stuff, and when frustrated I still vent the same way I always have.

[YoungMoneyTalks]

Great post! We tend to think about romantic relationships between coworkers a lot more than we do about friendships, but those can be just as important for the office dynamic.

I would be interested to know if anyone has had the shoe on the other foot: if you became your friend's boss and how you handled that. I almost think it would be a more difficult situation.

[Kevin]

When i first moved to this town it was one of my best friends who got me on and he was my Boss. First, it can cause problems with fellow employees. They just don't like bosses bringing in friends. You ahve to work harder to earn their trust. Then, he had a hard time managing us, because he was promoted from within the department. He ended up getting transferred out.

[Kevin]

I could see this happening to me (becoming the boss anyway). I'm not really close friends with anyone at my firm, but we all get along pretty well. I could see things changing once I become management rather than a worker bee.

[Kevin]

Yikes - it appears another Kevin has appeared on the scene.

[a]

I haven't had this experience but I can already imagine those friends I wouldn't mind as bosses and those I wouldn't.

[FMF]

Oh no!!!! Two Kevins!!! The world is ending!!! Next we'll see cats and dogs playing together!!!! ;-)

Ha!

Yeah, you each may want to include a letter from your last name like "Kevin A".

[Cynthia]

Yes! My current boss was my co-worker for several years. She recently was made VP of the department I work in. I would say that I was really happy for her but kinda bummed for myself for about two weeks. I just didn't feel appreciated and while I didn't want to take anything away from her, I really wished I could have gotten a promotion.

But the more I thought of it, the more I realized that we have very different strengths and I really didn't want her job. Once I saw that, I gave her 110%! That was about 6 months ago and two weeks ago I got a promotion of my own!

So I know that these things can work out!

[Kevin Wright]

This should help with the Kevin confusion! :)

[Katie]

I started work at a company and became very good friends with my boss. We met at karate lessons and that is how I got the interview. His family and mine would often go out on weekends and hang together. At work it never interfered with our work relationship.

[Sarah]

Three of us got jobs at the same company around the same time many years back. We had been friends for years but hadn't seen each other in a while. They ended up in one department, and I in another. Eventually we all made it to the same place in the company and one of them was promoted. I know it was hard for those two friends because they were inseparable but one wasn't the boss of the other. Eventually my other friend also got a promotion and she took me with her, so she was now my boss. I wasn't jealous because I hadn't been in that department for very long. I admit, I think I got better treatment and she sort of left me to my own devices because she trusted me more than my coworkers. I ended up getting pregnant and moving around a little before taking a maternity leave. When I got back it was a couple of months and I got the same promotion, so we were equals. I don't think it did anything to our friendship either way, to be honest. We don't talk now, but there are other reasons for that.

[Jen]

I was my mom's boss once, for about 6 weeks. I was leaving my job as a medical clinic supervisor to go to medical school. She heard these great stories each day from me about how great my job was, so she was hired (not by me), and I trained her for 6 weeks before I left. It was only a problem once, and that was when someone said "you shouldn't talk to your mother like that!" It ended up that the job was too stressful for her though, and didn't work out. I now work at that office as a physician, but she never "came out of retirement" to let me be her boss again! I did notice however, back then when I was a supervisor, promoted through the ranks, that I had no friends anymore (at least at work).

[CD]

I am currently working for a friend. We had been peers at a previous company, then many years later he started his own small firm. I had been laid off during the dot com bust and went to work for him part-time to help him get his business started. It quickly turned into full-time and I've now been in the job 7 years. Unfortunately, he isn't a particularly good manager, so he's got a mostly unhappy crew who are ready to bail but the economy is working against us. Sadly, because of some of these issues, I really don't consider him a friend any longer. He has no appreciation for what a remarkable team he has and has been less than ethical in his handling of some personnel issues.

[Big Cheese]

I worked in a job twice where my boss was a good friend. This definitely helped make things smoother in my career but the key was to have certain boundaries defined. If you are slipping on performance it is OK and expected that your boss will call you out on this. You may even lose your job. If you can respect this but be friends otherwise then you should be in good shape.

One advantage to being a friend is that you can be extremely frank with your boss and this can lead to effective communication and resolution of problems as they occur. If you can be friends with your boss, your life will be much easier.

-Big C.

[Mark]

I actually had the opposite happen to me. I was on the same level as one of my friends, and a year later I got promoted and ended up being her boss. It was very difficult because I tried to play two roles. I'd let her vent to me as a friend but at the same time I had to manage her as an employee. I walked a fine line but I wouldn't want to go down that road again.

[Paula]

I had the opposite happen. I worked with someone who was my boss at a new company. She was a great boss. Later I moved to a different part of the company. We ended up keeping up the relationship and have become best friends for 8 years now.

[sahm]

I have never worked in a formal paying job with a friend as a boss or vice versa, but I am currently in a couple of leadership positions at church. I have recently lost a friend because she was offended I did not share info with her that I had been told in confidence as a leader. It was a case where it wasn't my position to tell her, but she thought I should have regardless. It was really tough, especially since she had agreed to serve directly under me in a different area. It's been a strictly cordial, business relationship, which is hard.