Help a Reader: Engagement Ring Purchase

Here's an email I recently received from a reader:

I'm going to propose to my girlfriend of 7 years (I know, I know... but we started dating when we were 19) and wanted to know if anybody had any suggestions or tips for the engagement ring purchase.
 
We've recently bought our first house, and we received the $7,500 homebuyer credit. After putting some in savings, paying off a few bills, and supplementing my emergency fund I will have about $2-3k cash to use to purchase a ring. Being a frequent reader of this blog, I understand it would be best to pay cash rather than finance.
 
So...What help can your readers offer??? Any suggestions?

Any thoughts? I'm especially interested in your thoughts on how much the ring should cost.

Comments

[Stan]

This is what I did and it worked out great. Find a great diamond online. Whiteflash.com is where I got my wife's. Then take that diamond to a local jeweler and have them put it in a setting. Find one who has a jeweler on site. Then, when it doesn't fit her right (trust me, it won't fit right), the next day you can go to the jeweler and they will resize it for you in a couple of hours instead of having to send it away for a couple weeks to get it resized.

As far as cost goes, that depends on who your girlfriend is. Some need a great big ring, some really don't. Only you can judge that.

[Michelle]

First off - CONGRATS! Secondly, it depends. What does your Future Fiance want? Have you asked her (what she wants, not the BIG question!)? I think any answer you get here is going to include the following: a ring should cost what you and yours think it should, i.e., your values should determine what she's (hopefully) going to wear for a lifetime! That's my number one advice...ask her, maybe shop together in a 'what if' kinda way. Also cash is king and don't be afraid to negotiate (ask for a cash discount or for upgraded setting).

[Tom Jennings]

I was in this same situation about 4 months ago. It happened that the place purchased the ring from offered 0% financing for 1 year. So I just decided to hold on to my money and collect the interest. I plan on paying it all off at the end of the year with my credit card to get the cash back.

I don't see the harm in taking a 0% loan on a time as long as you can plan to pay it off and there are no hidden fees.

[Stephen]

I saved a lot of money by "inheriting" the diamond I used. It had been my great-grandmother's and as my granddad wasn't going to be using it, he was more than happy to pass it on to me(helps that i'm the only grandson, his granddaughters don't need it!). Since the main diamond is almost certain to be the most expensive part of the ring, this saved quite a bit. Anyway, depending on your relationship with your parents & grandparents, it wouldn't hurt to double check that there isn't a spare diamond (on a ring or not) in the family!
Besides, it's kinda cool for there to be some known stories associated with the diamond used.

[Mark B.]

My thoughts are exactly the same as Stan above --

I got mine at bluenile.com. Had the diamond shipped, then I took it to a local jeweler to have it placed in a setting. I saved a few thousand $$ versus buying a ring at a jewelry store. And, as Stan noted, since I had it mounted at a jeweler I go back there to have it sized/cleaned every so often.

BTW, the bluenile diamond appraised for more than twice what I paid for it.

[Matt H]

Ah, but you are financing if you're using the homebuyer credit. It's not a true credit, but an interest-free loan. I'd suggest putting that into your mortgage principle. I don't know what your mortgage terms are, but I'm planning to do this with my $7500, and I expect it to turn into about $35,000 interest savings and 3 years faster payoff.

If your girlfriend isn't all that traditional when it comes to engagement rings, consider getting one that features a stone other than diamond. When I got engaged to my wife, she helped pick out the ring, and she went for one with a sapphire in the middle and two small diamonds on each side if it. It looks great and cost a fraction of what a more traditional diamond solitaire costs. My wife really likes having a unique engagement ring, and has also said she would be kind of scared to always be wearing something worth a few thousand dollars on her hand. I mean, think about it, would you feel comfortable walking around with a few grand in your wallet all the time? The only downside is that when we first got engaged, she said other women would ask her things like "are you sure that's what you wanted?"

[My Life ROI]

My g/f is not a fan of diamonds. Her mom's wedding ring was very simplistic (I think it may have one very very small diamond on it or something).

O lucky me :p

[StL Pastor]

My wife and I had a wonderful time shopping for engagement rings, and she was more than satisfied with a 650$ ring (after 40% off sale)-which still felt a little extravagant for both of us when I was making 15,000 a year at a part time job.

My wife, a social worker really didn't want a ring that was super expensive either- as she put it, its a lot safer to have a cheaper ring, and you are more likely to be able to enter relationships with people who are struggling with basic needs if you avoid conspicuous consumption.

[Jim]

Personally my major recommendations are to spend within your budget, talk to your fiancee about what kind of ring she wants, maybe even do the shopping together and keep in mind that prices at jewelry stores can be very negotiable so you could save a lot by haggling and comparison shopping. Most of all buy a ring that fits your budget and don't be pressured by sales people or others quoting 2 month salary "rule".

Jim

[Eric]

I was upfront with my girlfriend on what my price point was for a ring. Then, we went shopping together and found one she liked.

As soon as we were approached by the salesperson, I him exactly how much I was willing to spend in order to prevent any guilt, arm twisting, or upselling. The sales guy was great, and showed us nothing that wasn't in our price range.

There's no way I would have tried to pick the "perfect" ring out for her on my own. She's the one who'll be wearing it, so I let her make the decision.

I've always been open and upfront with my wife about finances and what my/our goals are. Romantic? Maybe not, but neither is being in debt.

[Mark]

Wait until the "International Gem & Jewelry Show" come to your city or travel for a fun romantic weekend
http://www.intergem.com/
-My wife goes there 2x a year and pays whole sale
--There is a 10x Jewelry stores
--She paid around $1K for a near perfect 1 carat diamond ring this weekend

[Jim]

I second the suggestion of buying the stone online, hen find the actual ring at a store and have them mount the stone. Diamonds purchased from reputable online dealers are almost impossible to beat in a store. If purchasing diamonds, take the time to learn the rating scales for diamonds so you don't get ripped off. It'll be way more expensive if you buy the whole thing at an actual store. I bought the diamond online and the ring in the store and it appraised for way more than I paid for it. Best thing I ever did. Reputable online diamond sellers have a policy where you can send it back if it doesn't meet your expectations, so don't feel like you are stuck with it once you buy it. Just don't lose it!

[Dan]

I was in the identical situation -- met my fiancee when we were 18, asked her just last spring (8 years later). Can't say I saved a ton on money on my ring, but here's what I did.

First off, my girlfriend kinda knew what was coming, so I brought her out once to give me an idea of what she liked, and I never asked her about it again. Never brought it up again, from there on in she was in the dark. You want to make sure you're going to buy something she'll like, but still leave room to be romantic.

Then I dealt almost exclusively with smaller jewelers. The big guys tried to upsell you and didn't make me feel all that comfortable. The smaller guys recognize that you're young and that by doing business with you there's an opportunity to get a lifelong customer. So I did some internet research, and then went to a number of jewelers (I think 7 or 8 in all) and played dumb when they gave me the "diamond education." Now I didn't feign ignorance, but what I just wanted what each guy obscured and highlighted when selling diamonds -- it gave a unique view of each jeweler's business and what he felt wasn't important. Ultimately I went with the guy who was the most thorough because I felt he was the most trustworthy -- he didn't obscure anything. Plus I felt knowledgeable enough to feel comfortable with the decision I made. Turns out she was allergic to white gold (she didn't know this prior), and I went back to him and got the ring recast in a different metal for a marginal cost. Initially he recast the white gold ring for free. So by going with a small business he succeeded in establishing a relationship, and I got good value and service.

My advice? Go with a small jeweler who makes you feel comfortable. And don't let anybody upsell you. Visit as many different jewelers as you feel is necessary.

As far as cost, I spent about $6k. I've heard some of my friends have spent up to $9k on their respective engagement rings. You can get a beautiful ring at any price point. She's not going to care, so long as it's from you. So make sure you have the money to pay for it (it's not worth going into debt over), and be sure to learn enough so that you know what you're doing when you decide to spend that large sum of money. Good luck.

[Millionaire Teacher]

Thought I'd insert a woman's perspective here. I'm not super-traditional (or wasn't about the ring part, anyway), so it is definitely important to know your own girl! I assume you do since you've been together for 7 years.

My ring cost less than $100 and came from Walmart. Yes, I know how incredibly cheap that sounds! We shopped together at expensive jewelry stores, and our budget was something like 30x what we paid, but I got *exactly* what I wanted in the band. It's engraved with designs on both bands (rather than baggetts) and absolutely sparkles in the light.

The diamond is tiny, but the diamond was not the most important thing to me. Becasuse I got exactly the band I wanted, we can have a different diamond set in it in a few years if we inhierit one or decide we want to blow a couple grand on a rock. Perhaps if the diamond is the most important to your mate, she would be happy with a simple band for now, etc.

Be careful not to mistake how much you pay for the ring for how much you love her or how much she'll like it. Just because you have $3,000 does not mean you need to spend it. Sometimes that perfect ring is hiding in all the 'wrong' places.

And yes, cash is definitely king. Besides, if you are still paying for it after you get married, the money becomes both of yours and *she* starts paying for her own ring!

[Chris]

I love Dans small jeweler comment. They often have a far more interesting selection too. I ended up buying a beautiful sapphire that she loves from NY, buying the rings from a california jewelry designer, and having them set locally. It worked very well, and the sapphire store sent me 5 stones to choose from which made me feel like a big shot :D

How much it costs is almost impossible to ask though! I spent about $2500 which was nuts at the time, but thats the one it had to be! Luck for me it worked out.

Here is one yardstick to figure how much the ring should cost, and something I didn't even thing about until after I asked. How much do you want the wedding to cost? If you plan on a $10,000 wedding, a $9,000 ring might seem a little silly.

[Servius]

My wife came with to pick out her engagement ring. I told her how much I had to spend on it and she was able to find something she liked in that range.

The idea was that if I just picked one and gave it to her she'd love it because it came from me; if I had her pick it out, she'd love it because it came from me and she'd actually like it too.

[Paula]

Everyone has good advice here. For us, the proposal was a surprise, but we looked at rings together. I was able to find a nice elegant setting that I liked. He educated himself on the 4 C's of diamonds and picked out a good quality stone that was in his budget, then had it set in the setting I liked. That was over 11 years ago, and even though we are in a much better financial position I still love my ring.

He even offered to upgrade it but I don't want another one. I still get compliments on mine. So get her involved. I don't know how much mine cost but I don't really care. I know he did right by me, without loosing his head.

The memory of how sweet he was and how much fun we had together doing this, has made my day.

[Chris Meirose]

First, I would put the ring on a credit card for insurance/security purposes. Pay it off immediately, but this way you have a paper trail if something happens to it.

Second, I highly recommend that you avoid the mall like the bubonic plague. Go somewhere that you can examine the stones unset (loose). Choose your stone, then choose your setting. You can also do just a presentation setting (a basic gold ring) and then after you give it to her (assuming a yes) you can then together get the ring she wants with the diamond you purchased. That's what I did. I got a WAY better diamond buying loose than I would have at Mall Store Mega Jewelry Mart for the same price.

Third, ask older women you trust who live near you where they buy. They often know the best places, and they know who gives the best service/price.

[sarahmarie]

I would also recommend going to a small, independent jeweler that also has a jewelry designer on staff. The ring I fell in love with was over $6000. It was cast in platinum with a huge diamond. The jeweler at the store was able to design a similar (though not identical so as not to violate any copyright/trademark) ring for us in white gold with a smaller diamond at less then a third of the price. Another advantage of well-established jewelry stores is that they often carry estate jewelry. You could find a unique vintage setting and then add your own diamond or other stones.

Our jeweler also sent us a $50 gift certificate a year later in appreciation in addition to providing a comprehensive appraisal with photos for insurance purposes.

I realize $2000 is still a lot to spend on a ring, no matter what a "deal" we got, but usually stores will have rings to fit a wide variety of budgets.

[justmytwocents]

The #1 piece of advice, before even considering price!, is to pay attention to what your girl actually wants. Your best bet is to pick it out together.

My sister used to work for Ben Bridge and she constantly assisted men who thought they knew their girl's taste better than she did. She'd hear versions of this all day, "Well my girl likes gold but I like that platinum setting... She said she wanted a forever band, but I think the solitaire looks better ...", etc. And of course, they'd end up back in the store with their girl to exchange it.

I didn't get a chance to help pick out either my engagement or wedding band. Hence, I like neither. I love my husband but whenever we have a big disagreement, my wedding set is a reminder of how different we are. I'm also not a big jewelry person so I'm pretty disappointed that the one piece I wear every day of my life doesn't really feel like me at all... You definitely don't want her looking at her ring and associating negative thoughts with it for the rest of your lives.

[simple rob]

i would echo the advice to purchase the stone online. 6 months ago, i used blue nile for my (now) wife's diamond. their website has a ton of info and the 1-800 folks are also very helpful. it saved me a bundle. likewise, i bought the setting from local jeweler and had them place the stone. it was the best of both worlds - a price-wise diamond and the service/care of a local jeweler. i highly recommend.

[thomas]

congrats.

buy the diamond online from a reputable site (I used adiamor but there are plenty of others) and use a local store for the ring and setting. You can still get insurance and you don't have to pay the huge brick and mortar for the diamond.

If you are touchyfeely about diamonds, synthetics are a good value and little kids keep their hands.

going overboard on a ring when you are not on solid financial ground (i'm sure your 3 month expenses exceed 3k). build up to that 10 year anniversary for a better/bigger ring.

[Meopi]

I did the ring use math I assumed my wife shared our engagement story / showed the ring 50 times at 5 minute a share (she talks and has friends), at 35 an hour that's $140 worth of time. Far less than we paid for the ring and we have 1 memory of it's use, the engagement.
I spend twice as much on a patio as I did on the ring using the same math I will have to use the patio for 42 hours to get my monies worth. I will accomplish this in about 2 months.
I'm not going to get much more entertainment out of the ring, it largely goes unnoticed (still worn no stories or showing) now. I'm glad I bought the $700 ring and the 1500 patio.

[Mrs. Micah]

I motion to talk to her unless you're positive she wants it to be a surprise. I know someone who's happy with her headlight, but I told my husband I wanted a very small diamond in a low setting. I rarely wear jewelry and only really like simple stuff or simple celtic designs. He ended up talking with a craftsman at jewelrybydaoud.com and got me the perfect ring for under $500. I love how much thought he put into getting me something perfect. I only learned the price later, but it made me happy since I thought it was very sensible and just made things more perfect.

The only disadvantage with using that method was that the ring took a bit longer than it would in the store.

Anyway, I'd recommend getting her input first. She's probably got an inkling you're going to propose, so drop by a jewelry store when you're at a mall or find some other way to bring it up.

[The David]

I would recommend talking to her first.

I was in an almost identical situation - dating 7 years, just bought a house.

I talked to my wife before buying anything, because marriage was a hot topic. I wanted to get married, but kept waiting because I didn't think I could afford to do the ring right.

After talking to her, I realized that for her, just having ANY ring was the important part.

As a result of the talk, I spent much less than I would have, and she's just as happy.

I went to Jared's, and was not happy with the service I received, although I do like the ring. I will not go back there again.

I would only spend what you can afford on it. I paid for my ring with cash.

As someone who has been in your shoes, I don't think you should spend money to try to impress her. Obviously you have to take care of her wants and needs, but she may not need an expensive ring to be happy.

Also, you have to ask yourself if buying an expensive ring is worth stressing out other parts of your budget, as you'll be strapped for cash with a new house.

[Kat]

Another woman's perspective - make certain she's involved in the selection process and gets something she will enjoy wearing on a daily basis!!!! I don't care for diamonds but had a big, honkin', expensive one forced on me because that's what the female side of his family insisted he do. My preference for a small, non-traditional stone and setting were dismissed as unacceptable. We weren't kids either. Unfortunately, this should have been a major clue that my preferences didn't matter. Ironically, the actual proposal was done with a Cracker Jack "faux diamond" ring and I preferred that one to the real thing!

[Double Journey]

Talk to her first and get an idea what she wants. I picked it out with my fianceè and made the proposal a surprise. She was much happier this way.

As for what to spend, only you know that answer. Do not go overboard, spend what makes you feel comfortable. I suggest going to see what different diamonds look like and what there cost are and you will better be able to determine what you are willing to trade off.

My biggest piece of advice, find a good local jeweler. I couldn't believe how much better the prices were and how great the service was.

[Anitra]

If you want it to be a total surprise, or aren't 100% confident that you know what she'd like, buy a cheap ring to propose with, and then go shopping with her after she says yes. :)

1) Make sure you know whether or not she really wants a diamond. Diamonds are over-priced compared to other gemstones, and are more likely to have been sold to fund genocide/terrorism/etc.

2) If she DOES want a diamond, you'll have to figure out where your sweet spot is on size vs. quality. Most women are happy with small flaws on a bigger stone, but some would rather have a perfect, tiny diamond.

3) Do not go to a big name jeweler. EITHER go to a local jeweler OR buy online. You'll get better cost and better service.

In my opinion, it is stupid to spend more than $1000 on a ring, even one that will be worn every day.

[Methuselah]

I have to agree with Anitra. I will simply restate:

"In my opinion, it is stupid to spend more than $1000 on a ring, even one that will be worn every day."

I also did this:
"If you want it to be a total surprise, or aren't 100% confident that you know what she'd like, buy a cheap ring to propose with, and then go shopping with her after she says yes. :)"

[Eric]

I'll second the advice to consider a gemstone rather than diamond. My wife's birthstone is aquamarine, which she happens to really like. Her ring has a beautiful, about ~1.5 carat aquamarine that cost me a tiny fraction what a diamond that size would cost. I actually spent more on the setting and wedding band with a number of small diamonds than I did on the center stone. The ring is very nice and she gets a lot of compliments on it. The gemstone really makes it much more unique and personal.

I also highly recommend you take her shopping with you. We bought her ring together, and she told me that the ring she ended up picking out is not something she would've said she liked otherwise. I brought her with me to pick out the setting, but then I kept her in the dark while I picked out the stone, got it mounted, etc. That way you can still achieve a little tactical surprise for the proposal, but you know the ring is something she'll be happy with for many years.

I know this goes counter to the usual advice, but if you buy from a chain store you should consider a protection policy if they offer one. We bought a lifetime plan that covers the ring itself and the diamonds in the setting (they don't cover gemstones). In this case I think it's a very good deal. Their plan covers resizing, re-plating for white gold, and will replace any of the little diamonds if they fall out. Just by getting the ring re-plated annually for 3-4 years will pay for the plan. All they require is she bring the ring to be inspected 2x a year. Just make sure you read and understand the plan fully first so you know what you're buying!

[Miranda]

My wedding band is custom made. We went to a jewelry maker and had her help us design a unique and personal ring. It cost $350. I don't like diamonds, and I don't like big rocks. We have small stones, a diamond (not blood) and two emeralds (my favorite). It was very inexpensive because we didn't go to a jewelry store. The markups can be atrocious -- 500% or more. Even when you are getting a "deal" there is still a hefty markup.

[Lauren]

Before my husband and I were engaged, I went out to a few jewelers and made "Top Three" lists that they kept on file at the store. I was able to gauge the service and helpfulness of the store and recommend the best one to my husband when he was ready to go shopping. He ended up getting the stone at a diamond wholesaler and the setting elsewhere. It was my top choice. My only complaint is that I wanted a white metal and would have been perfectly happy with white gold, but the salesguy pushed platinum. My ring has engraving around the stone and the softness of the platinum has affected the bottom of the ring. My wedding band (and his) are very simple and were purchased from Blue Nile. If I ever want anything different, I would purchase from Blue Nile in a heartbeat. Best value and selection around.

[Alan S]

Don't hesitate to ask for a discount. I was working with a local jeweler to purchase an engagement ring. I told them that I was going to pay with a credit card for the cash back rewards (and pay off immediately). I then asked if they would be able to provide a discount if I paid in full with cash. They provided a better discount for cash than I would have gotten with the credit card rewards.

Best of luck!

[Slinky]

My fiance and I had been agreed that we would get married someday, but not until I'd graduated college and been working at least a year. So he got me a promise ring (so sweet!). Well, about the time we were starting to think about getting engaged, we were wandering through the mall past a jeweler. I saw the prettiest ring, I just fell in love with it. So he bought it for my wedding ring! As they were boxing it up and such, we were standing in front of some engagement settings. Well, there was a gorgeous vintage style one that would go well with the wedding ring (which is totally nontraditional). So to match the wedding ring, we had them get a few man made princess cut sapphires in. We picked one out and had it set. Since I'm rather nontraditional, and don't really care for diamonds, it turned out beautifully for me. Total cost? About $1,500 for both rings.

[Ellen]

I haven't had to shop for an engagement ring, but I've talked to my fiance about the ring I want from him. One of the main things I am adamant about is that I want a cultured (man-made) diamond. You can check out information on one company that makes diamonds here: http://www.gemesis.com/education/

For one thing, you know that no one was hurt trying to mine for your diamond. Secondly, cultured diamonds are much cheaper than "natural" diamonds. They are still "real" and can hardly be distinguished from "natural" diamonds by experts.

Just a thought. The Gemesis website also has a listing of stores that sell their cultured diamonds. I'm sure there are plenty of other companies you could check out, but this is the one I've looked at, so I had the link handy.

[JACK]

pricescope.com

Probably one of your better sources to learn more and compare the online retailers.

[Angela]

Wow -- out of all the comments here, I think only one acknowledged the environmental and/or social costs of diamond and gold mining! I suggest you ignore all the traditional advice, search the web for terms like "socially ecologically responsible engagement rings jewelry" and go from there.

[Donnalee]

I highly suggest www.brilliantearth.com, which only sells non-blood diamonds from Canada--the people are great to work with, and the diamond I have (loose, not in a ring) is exceptionally lovely--and yes, of course I'd involve the fiancee from beginning to end, since the stories above about women feeling left out and their wishes being ignored are really instructional! Good luck!

[Leia]

Just a practical note: My husband proposed with a cubic z $8 ring from Walmart. I can't tell you how many compliments I had on my 'lovely ring' as we went shopping for the engagement ring together. ;)

If I had it to do over again, I would get something unique and non-diamond from a local artist. I love the idea of a wooden band instead of gold, too. :)

[tungsten carbide ring]

First thing,Congratulation! anyway,by choosing a engagement ring for your beloved one its not a cost or how much is that ring,the important is the main value of the ring. More power and have a good time!

by: rhianne