Help a Reader: Dressing for Success

Here's an email I received recently from a reader:

You write all the time about advancing and managing your career and I have an interesting question that I am having a hard time digging up some information on in relation to this issue.  Here is the issue: 

I am a 26 year old woman.  I have managed to stumble into somewhat of a successful career by working hard and developing a great reputation.  I am now interviewing for positions that have traditionally gone to those with roughly 20 years of experience, or more, working with CEOs, etc of various organizations.  I can do these jobs; I am fully qualified.  I worry about reverse age discrimination.  Do you know of anything I should be doing (other than dressing professionally) that can assist me in interviews?  I was thinking potentially there was something I could do so that I don't look 26, maybe at least in my 30s?  (other than dying my hair gray?!?!)  It's hard finding advice on how to look "older"!  Do you have any suggestions on resources I could go to to read up on this?

Or should I just dress professionally and hope for the best?

I sent her some advice, but what thoughts do you have for her?

Comments

[Blake]

I am really not sure.. but I can certainly relate. I am 27 and trying to get my next step within site.

[Pop]

she's 26 and interviewing for jobs that often require 20 years of experience? Might be overreaching just a little.

[Kirsten]

My youngest sister is 27, and quite successful professionally. Although I am eight years older, I am often assumed to be her younger sister. (Which makes both of us feel good.) From almost the beginning of her career, she has managed people older than she is--though I don't think her employees have any idea she's as young as she is.

Here are some things that (I think) make people assume she is older:

1. She's tall. (Nothing you can do about that if you're not, except maybe heels.)
2. She's extremely confident and she's comfortable demonstrating authority. She doesn't verbally second-guess herself, hunch her shoulders, or end sentences with "...okay?" (As in: "I'm going to need you to stay late to finish that....okay?")
3. She is very put together--dresses well, has a very nice haircut, and wears a lot of make-up, though in a very tasteful way.

Now, she comes by all of this naturally. And not all of these are crucial, but they do seem to help, since she's had plenty of advancement and no one has ever mentioned her age.

[David]

No offense to the person asking the question, but if your job skills and experience can't convince someone that you're right for the position/job/task, then the way you dress won't be able to change their mind. Especially if you're trying to make up for 15 years of experience.

Being a young professional, I can relate with this, but the work you do speaks more loudly than anything else.

Also, unfortunately with some positions they may want to know that you've done something in the past, or have consistently done for an extended amount of time.

Experience with CEOs is a very valuable skill...you can't just expect people to give you the benefit of the doubt if you've never done it before.

[MC]

I have to disagree with David.

For women, how you dress & your mannerisms can make ALL the difference in the business world.

If you giggle, flirt, act not-confident, and/or are dressed inappropriately--forget it, even if you have the Nobel prize on your resume.

I'm a 47 year old woman and I hold an executive-level position in a traditionally male profession. I'd recommend that the LW:

1) Dress EXTREMELY conservatively. Be boring, very boring. Avoid anything fashion-y and show not even a hint of cleavage. Shop Talbots or the more conservative stuff from J Crew. If you can, wear slacks all the time instead of a skirt, and wear black or blue matched suits (nothing pastel, ever!). Heels are a must even with pants--but not anything sexy--you need some serious chunk power heels.
2) Don't smile. Don't laugh. Be extremely serious. Practice speaking with your voice pitched lower than normal and speak slowly. Think about channeling Hillary Clinton's mannerisms as Secretary of State. Speak in complete, formal English sentences and never use slang or "valley-girl" type expressions. Pause at least 15 sec before answering any question--don't rush in.
3) Get some serious-looking glasses and wear them even if you don't need them.
4) Wear professional makeup all the time--get some advice at the Dept store counters if you have no idea about this.

[Kimberly]

In addition to what MC said, maybe she could try a shorter hair cut? Long == young for a lot of people. Something like a female news anchor's hair says mature and professional to me.

[Jeremy]

Appearance isn't as important as people make it out to be. You cannot, no matter how talented you are, make up for the experiences that you have not yet had from extra years of working. Your skills and abilities will speak for themselves, but you will have to be more than qualified to be considered because of your age disadvantage. Don't worry about it, though, you have a great opportunity.

[DF]

You should check out the blog Corporette.com. It has great tips for women on how to dress professionally.

[JerryB]

I disagree with one thing that MC says and that's to not smile. A smile is important. It tells the person that you are meeting that you are pleased to meet them and are a pleasant person. You can be pleasant without being flirty.

Also, learn everything you can about the company, the position you are applying for and the interviewer that you can. Knowledge is your best tool, being able to converse intelligently about the position and the company is key.

[David]

@ MC:

I was giving the OP the benefit of the doubt in assuming that she probably already is doing (most of) those things, if she is only 26 and advancing quickly through the workplace.

Out of curiosity, what is your profession? You are obviously speaking from experience, but things seem to be different than that in my profession (computers/IT)

[Cynthia]

@MC

I'm curious too. What do you do? Why do you give the suggestions that you give? Do you think women have to be that serious to get ahead?

I'm 42 so much older than the person asking the question, but am getting serious about my career as my child is now at a age that I can focus more on work.

[MC]

I'm a research scientist and a tenured professor (Biochemist and Physical Chemistry) at a major medical center.

Sorry to be such a downer! But I'm speaking from experience and also from the experience of many women friends in my field. I've seen the same things in the field of medicine for women MDs. I'm also on a committee at my institution to investigate and recommend changes for dealing with women faculty---because it's embarrassing how few there are.

It's true that women don't have problems getting entry-level positions--Assistant Professor, Research Assistant Professor, or getting an entry-level job as an MD in a field such as Pediatrics. However, most women scientists don't make tenure so there are few women senior faculty. And women department chairs? Almost non-existent. And woman surgeons? Very rare.

I used to think that discrimination against women was something that happened only in the past and that science was (of course!) a meritocracy and blind to gender (and race). I myself didn't have many problems early on (everyone's happy to take credit for hiring a bright young woman!).

But after a while, when I started competing at a higher level, I started getting push-back. A male scientist working for me (who was also older than me) started giving me crap. I was being overlooked while men with less experience were given positions of more responsibility. I heard that it was assumed that I hadn't actually written reports that I'd authored, it was assumed that I'd been given extensive help to get where I was by senior professors, it was assumed that I would enjoy doing more teaching and less research (the kiss of death in my field) because I had kids, some co-workers actually gossiped that I'd "slept my way to the top" and etc.

This was about 8 years ago, when I didn't have tenure. To respond, I deliberately changed my style based on my instincts on the advice of a few women mentors.

Essentially, I stopped pretending that I *didn't* work with a bunch of older, middle-aged men who were not used to seeing a young woman as a peer (or a supervisor). So I tried to make it easy for them to accept me and take me seriously (and it didn't hurt I suppose that I got older, too!). The "no skirts" rule was huge--finally they stopped looking at my legs and started looking me in the eye! I also started being more aggressive and speaking up more, and I went after more risky projects--it's not just how you look, of course. And I stopped talking about my kids and family life.

I'm happy to say that whatever it was, "it worked". I was unanimously approved for tenure 3 yrs ago. Yet there are several women in my institution who are smarter and more accomplished than I am who are still stuck in non-tenure track positions.

Although my institution is known as one of the oldest and stuffiest around, the glass ceiling is obvious everywhere. Where are all the women CEO's? Congressmen? Presidents? I think a woman is fooling herself if she believes the glass ceiling doesn't exist.

[savvy]

I agree with MC. I was in a similiar situation. I stopped wearing skirts, perfume and anything else that drew attention to my appearance. Wearing makeup is key (at least for interviews) as it makes you look older. Stick to 'boring' neutrals like gray or navy and avoid anything trendy.

I would also be aware of the topics of conversations. You don't want to say anything too 'youthful' that makes people view you as they would their kids/nieces. You want to be seen as an equal and a peer.

[MJ]

Oh come ON - Not to be branded a feminist, but this entire thread is outrageous. Tokenism at its best. Don't smile. Don't laugh. Talk in a low voice, Don't talk about your family life. Wear men's clothes. Really ladies?? The glass ceilings in every industry will always exist as long as women consent to assuaging their male counterparts' insecurity by dressing and acting like men. I can agree with the tips to look and act older and more mature, and obviously not be overtly sexual in the workplace, but attempting to essentially disguise yourself as a man is a dying concept. I'm sorry for the women older than me who had to do such things to succeed, but they and their stuffy, backwards male co-workers are thankfully a dying (or at least retiring) breed.

[lurker carl]

Glass ceilings and sticky floors are still commonplace in industry and government, some blatently so in certain fields. And it exists for both men and women and escalates with the size of the organization.

It's not about disguising yourself as the opposite sex but removing the overt cues that make you visually appear less than qualified. No matter what the resume says, appearance is always a factor in hiring and promoting folks.

[Sarah]

Glasses (even if you don't need them), hair up, shoulders back, tailored suit, one eyebrown raised? But seriously, I'm not sure. I would say to dye your hair brown if it's not already, but that's sort of silly. Just be conscious of any cleavage or fanciful accessories that might betray your age.

[MC]

MJ--it's not about how it *should* work, but about how the world really *does* work.

And it's kind of hard to work for change if you aren't already sitting in the top office, y'know?

For example, I wouldn't be able to argue for tenure modifications in favor of women with families (like I currently do), if I wasn't already a tenured faculty myself.

[Meg]

In many professions (especially those with any sort of sales or relationship management component) being attractive and confident is very important. Men and women alike judge others on appearances (which includes posture, tone, mannerisms, etc). We all like to be around those who look good and make us feel good. You don't want to flaunt your sexuality, but you definitely want to look your best!

Keys include making sure you are withing a normal weight range, having the appearance of clear skin and a nice (i.e. white) smile, maintaining good posture and consistent eye contact, and wearing a relatively fashionable (but not flashy) tailored suit.

Personally I always wear a skirt suit and heels, especially on interviews, as do most of the women executives I know in banking and in law. A black suit will make a young woman look older (though it makes young men look younger). Beware of trying to dress "older" by wearing glasses or clunky shoes - you may just end up looking frumpy and be uncomfortable.

It doesn't matter what people "should" be judged on - if you got the interview that means your resume is fine and now they want to meet YOU. And if you'll be interacting with CEOs that means you will be interacting primarily with men. Being attractive certainly won't hurt you - and it may just be an unspoken job requirement.

[Foobarista]

In my wife's case, it isn't stuffy male coworkers, it's small biz owners - male and female - who see gray hair as a sign of competence and experience. The vast majority of these are immigrants from more male-dominated cultures (Iran, India, east Asia, etc).

So, she cultivates a friendly, slightly dowdy persona that works very well.

Her office has high turnover - it's commission-only work - and numerous young women try to come in thinking the sex-appeal approach or the "be yourself" approach will work. It doesn't.

[Mike Hunt]

It's tough to advance your career quickly in this market as most people are trying to protect their turf and protect their job. It's just harder in this market.

But I'd agree about projecting self confidence. I find that sometimes speaking in a voice lower than your normal speaking tone project authority and this applies for both men & women.

Yes there is no substitute for experience but there are many non-verbal behaviors that can make or break your ability to succed in an interview.

-Mike

[Bad_Brad]

Wow.

I won't get into whether or not the glass ceiling exists, given that women in the workplace on a widespread basis is still a relatively new thing in America, the glass ceiling probably still does exist, at least to some extent.

But I agree with others who have said that the original poster is probably going for the wrong positions if the positions require 20 years or experience and require experience dealing with senior level management. At age 26, there is no need to fret about this. None. You will get there in time. If you feel you are qualified today, well, I can relate, I felt that way too when I was that age. I probably could have done the job, and you probably could too. But the fact of the matter is, if I'm a hiring manager, and I have two candidates, one of whom is 26 and is confident he/she can do the job while the other has 20 years of relevant experience and has proven he/she can do the job, all else equal, my decision is easy. I'm going with the experienced candidate.

[lincmercguy]

I can relate somewhat. I'm 28, and I've been doing a job for the past three years that had been done by people with 20 years of experience in the area.

I don't think tricking people about your age is going to help. Your resume is going to state exactly how much experience you have. Obviously, dress professionally without the teenage fasion statements, but you probably already knew that.

But remember that maturity is not always a function of age. If you appear to be professional, intelligent, mature, confident (not arrogant), and you know how to learn, your age won't matter.

Honestly, if a interviewer descriminated against you based on age, is this someone you really want to work for?

With my job, I got to my current position through an internal promotion. I was initially hired nine months before that, and I had a hard time getting hired due to my lack of experience. However, this gave me an oppertunity to prove myself, which I did. When my current position opened up, I was encouraged to apply for it, and was offerred the position in the internal interview (we actually had a procedure for this at the time). In the nine months before this I was able to prove that:
-I could handle a project on my own
-I knew how to find answers to questions without just asking other people to figure it out for me
-I could work on the on-air systems
-I was self-motivated
-I learned very quickly, and independantly.

I'm in a technical position, but I think they apply anywhere else. Since it was within the same department, I didn't have to prove that I could do these things, since I had already demonstrated so. I think the last two are important, since we seem to be lacking this in our society today.

I think your references can speak a lot for you too. If you have good professional references that can speak highly of you about these things, it will help you quite a bit.

I have a personal rule about not using family as references, even when I had worked for them. I consider this to be unprofessional, but I was asked why I didn't use a family reference in an interview. I've used former bosses and colleagues, and even the chair of the department from my college. Just make sure you ask first, and I usually send them a quick email if I think they'll get a call. I usually don't put references on a resume, but have a sheet with their contact info to give to the interviewer.

[Meredith]

MR, thanks for sharing your story. I'm glad that you ended up being awarded tenure.

"For example, I wouldn't be able to argue for tenure modifications in favor of women with families (like I currently do), if I wasn't already a tenured faculty myself."

And thank you, thank you, thank you for doing this! I've seen so many of my friends follow their dreams of being a professor, getting PhDs from Harvard and Stanford and MIT, and then abandon those dreams one by one as they butt up against archaic tenure laws that don't allow a brief pause for babies. It seems so shortsided that needing to take a pause of a few months or a year in those crucial early-30's years will derail a 35 year career.

[Mneiae]

@MC wow. That's actually really intense. I just read your post and it did sound really feminist. But in your experience, that's what works, which is fine. I don't want to pretend to be a guy, but I can tone down the cleavage and the skin in general while I'm at work, because those complications are really unwelcome. Thank you for sharing!

[Harte]

As one who has been through many similar experiences, I agree with most of MC's advice. My career advanced only when I was viewed as "one of the boys." Develop your network, be known as one who gets the job done with quiet confidence, demonstrate your competence, and get yourself a mentor.