The Psychology of a Layoff

The following is a condensed excerpt from $100K to Nothing: Layoff:My journey from a six figure income to the unemployment line in the worst economy of our time by Dan Holt. You can find out more about the book at his website.

My father, and pastor, told me that losing my job was not unlike the loss of anything special and close to you. He told me I would go through the five stages of grief, first introduced by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in 1969: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. While I do not rate the loss of my job anywhere near the loss of a loved one, I could begin to see myself going through some of the stages when I wasn’t too deep in them to realize what I was doing or how I was feeling. Before I get into my personal grief process after losing my job, I want to share with you some examples of the stages:

1. Denial – While it’s hard to stare your boss back in the face and say “no I haven’t been laid off,” it has happened. More likely, it was going home to the family and smiling through dinner, only having to explain to your spouse the next day why you weren’t getting ready for work. Or maybe you just convinced yourself that you were on vacation or a sabbatical. That sounds better, I’m just taking an extended leave to learn new skills.

2. Anger – It is never a good idea to express your anger verbally, or even worse physically, when you hear that you have been laid off—no matter how tempting it is. You don’t want to burn bridges with the people that may be your most valuable references to potential future employers.

3. Bargaining – This is typically the response that the manager will hear. Most laid off employees will briefly skim stages one and two and go straight to bargaining. “Please don’t do this,” “What about my family,” and “Just give me two more days to show you that I’m indispensable” are the most often phrases managers hear. This is not a huge mistake. You are human, you should get at least a chance to try to change your manager’s mind (even if, as in my case, he just distances himself and quickly hangs up the phone.) Don’t confuse this with begging. You are not asking anything out of the ordinary. Remember, though, if your company is downsizing and you have been chosen, you are not likely going to change your boss’ mind.

4. Depression – Most laid off employees do not get depressed because they no longer have to work seventy hours a week for a company that could care less about them. Rather, the most common triggers are: not being able to see your friends at work anymore, feeling like you weren’t good at your job and that’s why you lost it, and feeling anxious and unhappy about the prospect of having to conduct another job search. This is a very unstable mental state—somewhere between having the blues and experiencing a full-on bout of clinical depression. It can cause a down spiral where your depressed psychological state leads to not landing a job, which helps you sink further into depression. Have your friends and family help you stay on top of the symptoms and red flags, and don’t hesitate to see a doctor.

5. Acceptance – Yes, I realize I lost my job and will no longer be working with 90% of the friends in my life. Yes, I am actively searching for a new job with the geographic limitations induced by the medical conditions of myself and my family. But no, right now I don’t think I will ever fully accept that in a few short months I went from one of the hardest and smartest working members of my team to being the dispensable guy. Maybe in a few years, but not now. My advice is to not strive for acceptance of this traumatic event, but rather to move on with your life, find a new job, and then deal with acceptance when you are in a much better place.

Although the psychological factor is not the only obstacle to overcome in unemployment, it is one of the most crucial. If you can stay on top of your emotions, you can land a job that is fitting for you and meets your goals. If you can’t, you could end up settling for a job you dislike; or worse, ending up in the dreaded third category the Bureau of Labor Statistics tracks: Not in Labor Force (which includes unemployed citizens who are no longer searching for employment.) While coping with the psychological harm of a layoff is different for everyone, there are a few guidelines you can follow:

• Remind yourself you are not alone. There are 14.5 million people in my shoes. It’s hard to remember that when I’m scouring job boards for hours alone on my computer. Also, remember that there are people getting hired every day.

• Find an outlet that makes you forget that you’re unemployed. Continue to make bowling night, go out to dinner occasionally, or go see a movie in the theater—whatever it takes to make you feel the same way you did when you were employed.

• Handle the stress that a job search and draining emergency fund bring. Take a walk at night. Limit your job search to 1 hour on job boards before a break. Meditate. Do yoga. Use whatever techniques worked when you faced stressful situations prior to your layoff.

The goal of coping is to move on. For me, increasing the intensity of my exercise routine and adding some fun activities when I get stressed greatly helps me cope. Whatever it takes to get you to that point is worthwhile when compared to how you will feel and how you will act when you get there.

Comments

[Mike Hunt]

This a good summary of how people feel when going through a layoff. I would recommend that everyone working be mentally ready for a layoff. Nowadays it's nearly guaranteed to happen to everyone at least once over the course of a career.

Realize it's just business, it will be a shock but not the end of your life. In hindsight it's usually for the best.

-Mike

[Dan Holt: Laid Off]

Thank you Mike. Being mentally prepared is as important as being financially prepared for a layoff.

[Terwilliger]

A quick comment about step 5 re: friends at the workplace. If they're really friends, they'll stay friends. If they were good colleagues, they'll stay in touch professionally and maybe even help you find your next job. And the ones who don't fit in those two categories, consider it a small consolation.

[Barb]

I have been through a layoff twice in the last2-1/2 years. The first one after working for the company 23 years, most co-workers do not keep in touch. They don't know what to say to you-they're still working. Unless you have outside intrests. My secong after working 1-1/2 years for the company, not so much either after the first couple of months. I find if you want to stay in touch with people, you make the effort.