Do You Make Kids Pay for Birthday Presents?

Here's an interesting money/parenting question:

Do you make your kids pay for birthday presents when they attend a friend's birthday party?

Through the years, we've always paid for the friend's present when one of our kids attended a birthday party. Our kids didn't have much income and you have to have a present, so we just picked up the tab. And in those days birthday parties were small and far-between.

But things have changed in the past year or so. Namely:

• Our kids are getting invited to several birthday parties on a more-frequent basis -- even by "friends" they aren't that close to.
• The parties are bigger. Many of them are over-night events that start one afternoon and conclude the next morning at noon or so.
• As the kids get older and the parties get bigger, the price of gifts gets higher.
• Our kids now have their own sources of income (especially my son.)

So we recently changed our policy. We decided that we'd pay for half the cost of the friend's gift and that our kids would pay for half themselves. To all of us it seemed like a good compromise.

How about you? What's your policy on paying for this sort of birthday present?

Comments

[MC]

No, but my kids are only 10 years old.

But I do think a kid in High School or College should be able to pay for their own friends' birthday presents. It's not like kids that age can't buy junk for themselves--if they can do that, they can buy it for their friends too.

As for the "price of gifts getting higher" as the kids get older... What?! Sorry, I plan on sticking to my $20 and under rule. If you want to take everyone to an NFL game for your kids birthday party, that's your business--the present isn't "payback" for that.

[Rich A.]

Our kids use their own money to buy gifts for their siblings (we have 5 kids). Sometimes they buy a gift on their own, and other times they pool their resources to get a larger gift. But if they're invited to a friend's birthday party, we typically buy, or help to buy, that gift.

Our kids get paid a commission every two weeks, based on the work they do around the house. If they complete all of their work they get paid according to their age at $1.00 per year (so our 13-year old get $13.00 every two weeks).

Rich

[Traciatim]

Our kids are only 8 and 5, so they have a 20 dollar limit unless they want something really great that fits the situation well or want to throw in some of their own money to get something that they know the person really wants.

I'm sure this will change in the future, but it's working well so far.

[Alan Howard]

Two of my grandaughters, aged 16 and 18, tend to craft and/or bake gifts for their friends.

[Mike Collins]

No, my kids are only 6, 4, and 3 months so they have no income. I can see your point though...my two oldest get invited to parties for their kindergarten and pre-school classes and some of these kids they barely know.

[Noadi]

If you kid is making money beyond an allowance then they should be paying at least for half. Once I was making money for myself (I think around 14 or so I was tutoring other kids) I had to pay for presents for friends along with anything else my parents didn't think I needed.

[LeanLifeCoach]

My kids are not going to be happy that you gave me the idea!

We make them pay for more than the average family but we have not made them pay for gifts.... yet!

[SAHM]

My kids are 5 & 7, and I pay for them. They get to pick out the gift with the $15-$20 budget, but I cover the cost. As they get older, they will definitely be buying them. Fortunately we homeschool, so we don't get a lot of these absurd birthday party invites to people they barely know.

My daughter is attending a party this Friday night, and the mom told me to either wrap the child up a bag of M&M's or an old toy. Her daughter is the only grandchild on both sides and has gobs of stuff. She'll be happy with anything and needs absolutely nothing. Yeah, I like that kind of party!

[Jamie]

My kids are 13, 10 and 7. They each started paying for 2/3 of the price of the friends' gifts when they entered kindergarten. If it is a close family friend, we pay 1/2. They earn good allowances and were told up front what they needed to consider for their allowances, which included the cost of gifts. This solves so many problems. They choose more reasonably priced and thoughtful gifts and don't accept every invitation they receive.

You say "As the kids get older and the parties get bigger, the price of gifts gets higher" Why is that? My kids tend to stay at around $15, regardless of the venue. We spend a little more for close family friends (because mom and dad are forking up more cash). I don't think you should ever feel obligated to spend more just because the birthday kid's parents spent more for the party. You are a guest, not a source of gifts.

[Personal Finance Student]

For me, it would be YES. But for some instance, just like in my situation. I give a present to my friend's birthday, but of course I worked for the money where I can get to buy the present. I didn't ask money from my parents just to buy a present.

Giving kids money for a gift for their friends, they should shed sweat too for the money. Also thats a good training for the kids too! :)

Just a thought!

[Julie]

My kids are 6 and 7, and we pay for the presents ($15 or so.) They'll be expected to chip in or pay for all of them as they get older.

The first party my kindergartener was invited to stated "No gifts please" and since then I've used that idea. I told my kids that they could have lots and friends and no gifts for their birthday parties, or only 2-3 friends with gifts. (They don't need a dozen more toys.) Happily, and a little surprisingly, they've always chosen more friends over more toys.