Your Friend is a Mooch, Money Matters Between Friends, Part 6

Here's part 6 of our series on a Kiplinger's piece on money matters and friends. The issue for the day from Kiplinger's:

Problem: You feel like your friend is mooching off you.

Solution: Friends should feel free to treat each other now and then, but you don't want to be a doormat. Offer to help your friend think of solutions to improve his financial situation so he doesn't have to rely on you so much. And don't be afraid to just say "no" when he asks for something. Just make sure to give your refusal a positive spin.

Here's my solution: simply don't let yourself be victimized. I've had friends in tight spots before and have helped them out, that's one thing, but to have a person consistently mooch off me -- nope, I won't let it happen. I simply won't pay for them -- it's that simple. Remember, it takes two for this to happen -- they have to be mooch-ers and you have to allow yourself to be a mooch-ee. Don't do it!

Have you ever been in this situation? How did you handle it?

Click here to read part 7 of this series.

Click here to read part 1 of this series.

Comments

[Shelly]

I have a different sort of problem - I have a "friend" that makes well over 75K annually and is basically what one might call a miser...he's extremely frugal - to a fault. He lives in a small one bedroom apartment that is furnished with "camping style furniture" from Wal-Mart. His only expenses (which he brags about regularly) are rent, auto insurance, gas and food.

I'm a single Mother and although I make a decent living, I live on a budget. When I invite this friend over to hang out - he assumes that means he's been invited to EAT and that he can eat and drink whatever he wants while he is at my house.

I know that by inviting him over, I'm agreeing to feed him one meal - usually dinner - but he "grazes" the entire time he is at my house on whatever snacks he can find. To boot - he's an extremely finicky eater so whatever I cook for that "one meal" has to be something he likes which is usually not a part of my budget.

He also assumes that he is welcome to spend the night at my house (in the guest room of course) whether he's had any alcoholic beverages or not. Generally he only drinks a glass or two of wine and that's usually over a six to eight hour period. He lives less than 45 minutes from my home and I think he should not assume that he can spend the night. I'm often tired from a long work week and am trying to spend what little free time I have with my Son. When he wakes up in the morning he expects some kind of breakfast!!!!!

Basically - I feel as though he's taking advantage of my kindness. I like having him as a friend BUT I do not appreciate the way he treats me. He acts like my home is a Bed & Breakfast simply because he is too cheap to buy the things he likes to eat for his own house. He figures he'll just come to my house and eat all of those things for free without ever offering to reimburse me for what he's consumed.

I've spoken to him about this before - telling him that when you're invited to someone's home for dinner - YOU NEVER EVER GO EMPTY HANDED!! I've also explained that my Son will be starting private school soon and I have uniform & tuition expenses to bear...and that I cannon continue to "feed" everyone for free. Although he acknowledges this - he still makes NO attempt to lessen the amount he eats or offers to reimburse me.

*sighs*

I'm debating letting the friendship go...but I hate to do this. Any suggestions???

[Wake up]

This guy is no friend. He is using you. Why invite him over to mooch off you, and cook him dinners you cannot afford anyway? What are you getting out of it exactly? Get some self esteem and find friends who are kind, supportive, and understanding. Spend some of your son's private school money on yourself and some self esteem classes and/or a good therapist. What message are you giving your son? That you're a doormat or that all women are doormats?

[Shelly]

Hardly. I have many friends - most of which are kind, supportive and understanding. He is the ONE friend I'm having an issue with and I posted this question to see if anyone had any advice as to house to deal with such a person. I'm generally not used to being used. As for having low self esteem - you missed the mark completely, not only am I confident and self assured - many of my friends consider me to be an easy person to talk to and get advice from. This particular situation is a sticky one and I thought it best to seek outside advice. The message I'm giving my Son is that education is very important as are the feelings of the people you care about. I wouldn't cast someone aside without first understanding what motivates them to be the way they are. It turns out this my friend, you know...the mooch...lived a very sheltered life and was a quite a loner. He simply lacks social skills. Once I explained the situation to him again - in a kind and non threatening way...he offered to reciprocate by pitching in for meals, etc. Now then...you were saying what about self esteem and therapy? Perhaps you should get some yourself so you can learn not to be so judgmental. Thanks for your input...