Do You Check with Your Spouse before Making Large Purchases

It's been awhile since I've discussed this issue, so when I saw that one Wall Street Journal writer had a "$500 rule" (she wouldn't spend more than $500 without talking to her spouse first) it made me think that we should discuss this issue again since there are so many new people here at Free Money Finance.

In How Much Would You Spend Without Asking Your Spouse? I noted:

In its September issue, Money magazine said that the average amount spouses say they've spent or would spend without asking their partner was $455.

I also said that our limit is more around $200. My wife won't spend more than this without some feedback from me (unless I waive my right to comment, as I did with a recent vacuum purchase) and I won't spend more than $200 without feedback from her (that's why I'm VERY skilled at buying things for $199.) ;-)

Anyway, do you have such a rule with your spouse? If so, what's the limit? If not, why?

Comments

[That One Caveman]

Ours is around $50, but it has been trending lower. We've gotten into the habit of dual-accountability. Before either of us makes any "unusual" purchase (unusual, as in not part of the normal routine), we get the other's approval. I can't tell you how many times I've decided against purchasing something because I know I couldn't convince my wife that it was necessary, and I'm pretty sure she's done the same. Using this method we have dramatically cut our spending and have been making higher-quality purchases when we actually do buy something out of the ordinary.

[briank]

For us, it's about $100, though we frequently use the same "can I convince my spouse?" tactic that That One Caveman describes on even cheaper items.

[Justin]

My wife and I both get $80 every 2 weeks to spend at our discretion. Anything else that is not budgeted has to be approved by the other.

[savvy]

We don't have a rule but it also depends on where the money is coming from - the joint account or our individual spending accounts. I think $200 is reasonable for the joint account but our individual 'allowances' are to be spent freely without oversight.

[Chief Family Officer]

We do check with each other but we don't really have a set amount. We've never actually discussed it, but generally, I think we ask each other if we feel that we would be uncomfortable or upset if the other spent the money. And whether that happens depends on the item being contemplated as well as the total dollar amount.

[Laura]

I'll call him if I'm purchasing over $100 from the joint account. If it's from our individual, we don't ask each other.

[Rob]

Maybe we're just ridiculous but we confer even about stuff at little as $15. Why? Because we both feel that each other needs to be informed. You can waste a ton with unapproved discretionary spending.

But if it's some fast food or something, then that's no biggie. Tight ships tend to sail more smoothly! Plus it eliminates any potential arguments or grudges if you do it this way.

[Kevin]

We usually buy all our "big" purchases when we're together or we talk about it so much that we know what's going on for months. I don't think I'd ever go out and blow more than $50 or so and not tell the wife beforehand.

[Mrs. Micah]

Our budget is tight---so if it's not in the budget, then the cut-off is between $15 an $20. Really, we consult for anything over $10. But then we don't buy much stuff either. Sometimes Micah will mention that he bought a homeless guy lunch. Or....well honestly we just don't buy stuff. If it's in the budget, it's perfectly fine to purchase without the other person around (groceries, microwave popcorn for a treat, etc).

[Larry Jones]

Our budget is really tight as well. We work the cash envelope system and both have our own "blow" money to spend as we need.

Until we have more discretionary spending income, I would be pretty upset with my wife if she didn't consult with me about a small, medium, or large purchase, unless it was already included in the monthly budget.

[aa]

Our limit is $100.

[Dedicated]

We never set a limit and have never needed one. Of course, we are both of the procrastinating personalities. So, when we do decide to jump in and buy something - it's pretty much a have to have. Outside of my husbands big spend mode last year - neither of us is big spenders so it negates the need.

Contrary to what you might think, it isn't good that we are both "non-spenders". Makes me appreciate folks that are opposites. We tend to miss out on a lot of fun, do to our tight ways. Or are we????

[Randy Peterman]

We don't have a limit, it just has to fall into a category we've defined and within the budget for that category. We always talk about big purchases. Always. Otherwise a hockey game breaks out.

[LotharBot]

We don't have a "limit", per se. We have money specifically budgeted for certain types of discretionary purchases (clothing, entertainment, etc.), and any discretionary spending outside of that gets discussed, even if it's just a few dollars.

When cash flow is tight (like right now, due to aggressive savings) every purchase gets discussed, even stuff that's normally in the budget. We keep each other informed about the general state of the account at all times.

[Frugal Momma]

For a long time it was any single item purchase of $50, now is it $100. We both need to decide if if we really need it or want it.

[JEM]

Maybe we are taking it to the extreme but my hubby and I discuss any out of the ordinary purchase ahead of time and it wards off us going over budget or getting into fights over habits. If I want/need new shoes I discuss it with him first and we set a limit. If he wants to add to his cd collection we discuss if it is in the budget right now and how many cd's he can buy. It seems to work well. As for those split second decision purchases...well we each get 150 bucks blow money a month...

[Odnal]

No formal amount here, but when either my wife or I spend more than about $25 on something other than our 'normal' expenses (groceries, household, fast food), we'd mention it to each other.

[MetaMommy]

We generally discuss any significant purchases, and research them for the best price and place to buy. By significant, I mean more the bulk of an item (e.g., hardware, electronics, furniture) than the cost. So while we don't have any rules, our discussion of purchases and finances just as a daily habit prevents most spontaneous purchases. And neither of us are the type to go out and buy a $200 sweater, so that's just not an issue.

[Ryan]

No limit. We each have a discretionary spending amount (allowance) each month and what each of us spends is our own business as long as it is withing the allowance.

[Mark]

We have been married almost 25 years and have never had any limits. But - we tend to discuss any "unusual" spending in advance. We've corrected course on the fly so by now we just know what constitutes "unusual".

One exception to this rule is her clothing. We found early on that our ideas of how much clothing a woman needs are irreconcilable, so we have a "don't ask don't tell" policy, which means she buys within a more-or-less predefined amount, and doesn't show me all the stuff the day it gets home. When she wears it, then I notice (or not!). And I don't ask the cost of individual items, and she doesn't tell me - unless she thinks she got a really good deal.

[Sarah (Real Life)]

We have the cash budget, too, and I get about $100 a month for clothes, fast food meals, and extras. Other than that, we try to talk about any purchase over $20. We only have joint accounts, so we have to communicate about pretty much everything. I wrote a story once about how this policy saved us from some unscrupulous telemarketers. Let me know if you'd like the link.

Visiting from ProBlogger. You've got some wonderful content here!

[Brandie]

We don't have a specific limit, pretty much if it's not groceries we discuss it. The only problem is I'm very frugal with money, partly because my husband doesn't want to be (though I make him anyways) so if I want something he almost always says yes so I usually debate it forever and just don't buy it since I really can't count on my husband to be a good sounding board. This can be rather annoying at times.