I found this article around Valentine's Day and am just getting around to posting on it now. MSNBC says that dating (the point up until you find a spouse) can cost you a boatload of money. The summary:
The first date is just the start of what may turn out to be the largest spending spree of your life. With the average courtship before a marriage lasting about two and a half years, dating is an increasingly expensive venture. Flowers, presents, dinners, and movie tickets are just the start of the list of items single men need to factor into their budgets, dating and relationship experts said. And don't even get us started on the costs of maintaining a long-distance romance.
By the time you head down the aisle, you can easily have spent more than $40,000 on vacations, jewelry, wedding expenses, and meals out, according to our calculations.
Wow.
Ok, I have a few thoughts on this:
1. There's no way I spent close to this on my wife. We dated for only a few months, mostly went out to eat and to play volleyball with a church group, and the most expensive thing we did as a couple (trip to a large sporting event) was paid for by my employer.
2. Now if you add in all the other dates/romances I had before I met my wife, maybe you're in the $40k range. ;-)
3. If it had cost me several times $40k to date my wife, it still would have been a GREAT deal for me. Financially, she's saved us many times that in how she shops, saves, etc. Non-financially, I'm not sure I could imagine life without her.
I'm sure there are lots of "cheap ways to date" ideas out there. What are your suggestions for not spending a fortune on dating?
That's not particularly surprising to me, given that the average wedding costs $28k. Mind you, I think $28k weddings are ridiculous (my wife's and mine cost $8000 for 80 guests). On the other hand when I was young and in love and in college, a large part of my original debt came from "courtship" costs for my now wife. The ridiculous part is of course that she (being young and in love) would have been fine with almost nothing, but I (being young and in love) couldn't see past getting her what she wanted, whether I could afford it or not. I guess sum total, I might have spent $20-grand on wedding and courtship.
Boy, that makes me glad I have begun to get spending under control. I guess love can cloud better judgement. On the other hand, was $20-grand a bargain for what I got? Absolutely if you ask me!
Posted by: Matthew | February 19, 2008 at 03:06 PM
The most shocking thing in that article to me wasn't the expense of courtship, but the portion of the article that stated "Nearly 70% of women and 50% of men said they were interested in marrying for money." Wow! That really suprised me.
Posted by: Kelly | February 19, 2008 at 03:18 PM
I only ever dated one woman. We were engaged for almost 3 years before we got married. I may have spent $3000 on her over our dating/engaged time period, including her engagement ring. Our wedding was perhaps $4000 (I don't know for sure; her parents paid for it.) It helps that her dad was a minister, a ton of family friends helped out, and we had a couple years to prepare. And we're both careful with the way we spend money.
I can see how, for other people, the expenses would just keep piling up. If you're careless with spending, finding a mate very well *could* cost $40,000. But there's no reason it has to cost anywhere near that much.
Posted by: LotharBot | February 19, 2008 at 03:38 PM
WWJS?
Posted by: Minimum Wage | February 19, 2008 at 04:00 PM
Many say the "average" wedding cost is $28,000, but a more accurate measure would probably be "median" wedding cost. If we're mostly talking about middle class people getting married, it doesn't make sense to include multi-million dollar celebrity weddings in calculating the figure.
Posted by: Matt | February 19, 2008 at 04:02 PM
Matt: I am sure it is the case that the median wedding cost is much lower than the average, but the article seems to be talking about the average courtship, not the median courtship. I was just pointing out that the average wedding takes up nearly 3/4 (72%) of the average courtship costs they listed. After all, they talked about the average jewelry buyer spending over $3,000 a year, and I think we can all agree that is probably ten times or more the median jewelry buyer's expenditures. I think it is important to ignore the actual values posed in articles like this and focus more on the relative amounts proposed.
Now, I am also aware that the wedding publications (i.e., CondeNast) who are the ones who publish the survey annually probably publish the average instead of the median specifically to drive up wedding spending, but that's a whole 'nother issue...
Posted by: Matthew | February 19, 2008 at 04:50 PM
Wedding Cost
When my wife and I got married we did it in the woods by a waterfall near our home. There were four guests including the minister and her husband. (my dog came too) The other couple invited had the Big Wedding 6 months earlier. They said this is great we wish we did this. A few weeks later we had a catered reception and invited 30 or so people. We had my sister in law do the food. All she charged us for was the food. I don't regret it a bit. I saved alot of money.
Posted by: David | February 19, 2008 at 07:45 PM
Wow!
I share your view. I would have been out of house and home, should I taken the path of MSNBC's subjects.
But in certain parts of India, parents of girls have to dole out busloads of money to the boy and his parents for dowry. Though the Government has strictly forbidden this practice it is still widely rampant.
$40,000 may be a reasonable estimate for them, and in Indian Rs, this is a serious busload.
Posted by: fathersez | February 19, 2008 at 09:36 PM
I was divorced last June and started to date a young lady that is on the eastern seaboard - i am in the midwest. Not convient in regards to travel but with with buying airline tickets well in advance I have gotten quite a few deals. when she visits she can stay for a week at a time and her airfares are well under $100 and about $30 for gas and parking at the airport.
We are both frugal (her more than me), our dates are not lavish but I do like to spoil her with jewelry, flowers, and gifts for her daughter. When I planned my budget this year I made sure that I allocated enough money for travel, gifts, etc..also I have no debt so it makes all of this easier.
Right now we have been recieving a lot of pressure to get married as everyone thinks it is time, in our eyes this will not happen just yet since her daughter will not move to the midwest and she still has to finish high school. This actually plays well into my hands since I need to help my girlfriend update her home and make it pretty before she needs to sell it in a few years.
Posted by: BigBoy | February 20, 2008 at 07:38 AM
That's so stupid. Even if you aren't dating you're going to be spending money on dinners, gifts, and vacations--whether you're single OR married. In fact you may spend MORE when you aren't in a relationship because you're not having nights in and sharing expenses.
Posted by: Meg | February 22, 2008 at 12:47 AM
Oh, and sure the wedding is expensive, but it doesn't have to be. And that's not a DATING expense anyway. The title should be "getting married can cost you $30,000" not "finding a mate can cost you $40,000."
Posted by: Meg | February 22, 2008 at 12:48 AM
I'm a dating single mom and by the time I pay for my sitter, the cute dress I buy to wear on a first date and the drink tab it's easily a $100 evening. I make money and for some reason can't find boyfriends who do...hmmm...I like it that way though and don't mind paying - but this makes sense to me. I spend WAY too much on dating. You can read all about it on my blog.
Posted by: Ms. Single Mama | February 22, 2008 at 12:20 PM