Should Women Marry for Money?

Check out this interview that says smart girls marry for money. A couple quotes that give you the flavor of what they're saving:

• We’re not espousing that everyone should marry a rich guy, but we’re saying that you have to be smart when it comes to marriage and money. It’s not just love, it’s an economic partnership.

• The reality is we have a short fertility span in our lives, and as time goes on we’re less attractive to men on a physiological level. It’s kind of repugnant to say, but it’s true. Older men aren’t looking for gray and pudgy. They’re looking for a pretty wife. You have a lot of powerful assets at this time of your life–it’s not going to last forever.

And then, there's this comment left on the article:

I just saw these two beasts, I mean women, on Fox and Friends. Wow. Is it any wonder why they are divorced? Woof woof. Lay off the Krispy Kremes and have some self respect. This is exactly the reason why so many women end up alone. The don’t get an education and spend their young adult years just partying and being lazy bums not furthering their education. They magically think that they will just marry a rich guy and everything will be taken care of for them. That is not reality for 99 percent of women. The only women that marrying a rich guy applies to is the very top 1 percent who are literally supermodels and stunningly beautiful. If you aren’t, and many women delusionally think they are, they are going to end up being poor their whole lives living with their cat. Meanwhile, a new crop of young, hot girls, who don’t have crows feet and middle age spread will be ready for the rich men to have fun with. It really is just a hilarious situation how some women really do sabotage their own lives with their delusional thinking.

Ok, so much for a pick-me-up post on this one, huh? ;-)

I think we've all seen (either in person or in the news/media) the older guy who's loaded with the much younger, stunningly beautiful wife. It's clear what she sees in him and what he sees in her. I have to think that this sort of marriage exists all across the spectrum, not just the ultra wealthy. One example: the doctor who's 50 and on his second marriage might not find a super model, but he can sure find a young, attractive new wife. Again, it's clear what they both get out of the relationship (not to say that they don't love each other, but it kinda begs the question...)

So many questions. Should women who are attractive cash in on their good looks and seek to marry someone who's wealthy? It will likely mean that they either marry someone who's much older than they are or someone who has family wealth (or fame, etc.) of some sort. Is attractiveness an asset that can be monetized? Is "love" by itself over-rated? What factor should economic stability play in choosing a mate?

I know you all have some thoughts on these issues...

Comments

[A_Muslim]

It's disheartening to admit that money does become an issue in relationship. In my sub-culture most marriage are arranged. When the bride's father looks for a suitor for his daughter, he checks out the character of the potential spouse and his wealth or at least the bridegroom’s ability to provide for the daughter. There are lots of my brothers in faith still single because they don't have a highly qualified acronym near their name, such as Ph.D., MD., etc.

I don't think women should use their beauty for monetary reason. It's got the whole fake/prostitute-y feel to it. What matters in marriage is being happy and complementing each other. Pretty lady + filty rich guy = divorce waiting to happen (in very many cases.)

[Snurg]

Golden rule: He who has the gold, rules.

I dated two multimillionaires and decided it was far, far better to start a company, work my ass off, and make my own money!

[Carrie]

i don't think you should marry "for money" but certainly marry someone who has similar financial goals and habits

[A_Muslim]

@Snurg, you must have not been manipulative and cunning enough to control the two multi-millionaires. Were you so, then you'd be rich already without wasting very many calories of your own working your ass off.

[guinness416]

Re the bitter commenter's "The don’t get an education and spend their young adult years just partying and being lazy bums not furthering their education"

Don't all the stats tell us that almost all non-engineering professional degree programs in N America, from law to medicine to veterinary and on, are majority female now and will be well into the future?

I find articles like this one (and the ones about finding someone frugal/"good with money" are the flip side I suppose) really strange. If you luck into that more power to you, but is this really how people plan their lives?

I earned 3 x what my husband made last year; I wonder is he in it for the money? :)

[Marie]

Marry solely for money and either your going to be prenupped out within ten years or he'll replace you on the side and donate an STD to your relationship from his superficial flings.

[Jim]

By no means should anyone 'marry for money'. Marriage should be based on love first and foremost. But choosing an ideal mate should at least consider such things as financial stability and money habits. Lots of marriages fail due to money problems so it should at least be considered to try and ensure the marriage has a chance of lasting.

[Eugene Krabs]

I think it is wise for everyone to be mindful of their personal finances. So, yes, money is an important factor to consider in any serious relationship.

But to marry solely for money? I couldn't possibly marry someone who is only interested in me for my money, no matter how attractive she is.

[F]

It seems indeed wrong and cold-hearted to marry for money. However - could it be that we're judging too fast? Hang on...

We all know that beauty is what makes a female attractive. But why should the same apply for males? Could it be that money/status/power make a male more (sexually) attractive for a female? Or add to his physical qualities? Have you ever wondered why men are always raving about beautiful women, while the opposite doesn't really happen?

And if money is sexy, maybe we shouldn't be so harsh on women chasing money.

Or maybe I'm just naive...

Wondering what the female readers think :-)

[F]

Let me restate that question: as a women, does being rich make a guy more attractive to you?

Rationale: men's protective qualities are attractive, right?

[Mark]

I wise older women once told me ... "if you marry for money, you earn every penny". She was speaking form experience. So caveat emptor ...

[MC]

Marry for money? No way! However, being sensible makes sense. These days I do look for a man with a income/financial situation similar to my own.

I don't want to deal with the ego problems that men my age (40's) seem to always have if I make more than they do (and although they always deny that it will bother them--they eventually do have a problem with it). Also, I have 2 kids who will need to go to college, and I don't want to risk their future to marry man with major debt/spending problems (been there, done that).

Does $ make a man attractive? Maybe. It's not money per se, but the fact that he's earned it--to me, a man who has that kind of intelligence and steady-mindedness is very attractive. Case in point--I dumped the only multi-millionaire I ever dated (he inherited it) because he was such an unbelievably feckless idiot.

Oh, and in answer to F's question: I'm also holding out for a breathtakingly sexy man! No, not Fabio, just an average man my age (or a little older) who takes care of himself. Hair? I don't care what color it is or even if you have it. But please, guys, lose your huge gut! It is a major turn off!

[Mike Pastore]

Well, some women really do that; marry for money. But during these days, many independent women can handle their finances and do not rely it on men. They work hard to support themselves that sometimes make them forget to get married. Anyway, choosing a husband who is financially stable and responsible is somehow important especially during these times, but marrying out love, respect, and compatibility is better than that.

[DT]

I wish this could be rephrased as "marrying to acquire money" vs "marrying to grow money".

The latter to me implies that a sound woman will choose a financially wise and economically capable man, so that as the years go by, she can count on him to supply his share (or all) of the their income & retirement savings.

An older man and younger woman (by definition) seem to fall in the former category. But if a couple can work together to build wealth, and the woman looks for that quality in the men she dates, then *that* is not necessarily marrying for (acquisition of) money, even if he already has it.

There are women who want to spend money, and there are women who want to grow money. Whether you have millions or barely thousands, I think men would be wise to know which kind of woman they're marrying.

It's a fine line sometimes.

[me in millions]

My grandma used to always say "It's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man." You have to look out for yourself in the end, but it doesn't hurt to marry someone who is financially saavy and can provide for you and your family.

[just sayin]

If you want to stay home with your children for a few years, you are better off marrying a man with money. If you want your children to have more opportunities, you are better off marrying a man with money. Even if you get divorced, your children will likely be taken care of.

[Meg]

Nobody should marry JUST for money, just as nobody should marry JUST for looks. Neither attribute is constant, and neither is very enjoyable unless you share other values and interests with your partner as well.

But the fact is that men and women are both wired to seek the most attractive mate they can find - men are more attracted to physical beauty and women to a man who can protect and provide.

The interesting social dynamic today is that women can increasingly provide for themselves and need little in the way of protection. So will they soon evolve to base their attraction more principally on looks, like men do? Or will more and more of them refuse candidates who cannot provide MORE than they already have themselves and end up alone?

[Bad_Brad]

I would take a balanced approach here and say that while of course a woman should not marry just for money (and neither should a man, for that matter), money does matter and should not be ignored. To think otherwise is naivete.

[Michelle]

Love can't withstand money let's just put it that way. Ultimately money wins.

[Mike Hunt]

Money makes men a better provider. A man with money and a good attitude who is fair in the balance of power will win every time over the man with the same attitude who is flat broke or in debt. Of course no one is advocating marrying rich guys who are butt heads, these things don't always go together you know.

In Thailand people always blend the concepts of love and money but this is taboo in the West.

In the end it's about resources and how you choose to share them.

-Mike

[jj]

I have a few friends who married for money, not a super-rich man but a man seen as a provider so they could stay home. Unfortunately in at least 2 cases, the man lost his job and were never able to earn the same wage. One marriage ended in divorce and the other is in major trouble. Money, like looks, can go away.

[LEB]

I'll say this as a woman... to quote Marilyn Monroe, "Don't you know that a man being rich is like a girl being pretty? You wouldn't marry a girl just because she's pretty, but my goodness, doesn't it help?"

When you're a woman, attractiveness helps. When you're a man, money helps. However, relying too much on either (and especially in exclusion to less ephemeral traits) is a recipe for failure. Women who focus too much on their looks may neglect other essential attributes: education, career goals and financial health, social life, etc. Men who use money to attract mates are likely to attract women who are not very well-rounded in the partner qualification department. Furthermore, they are likely to be lacking themselves. For example, they may be weak in interpersonal communications. They may have many "friends", but lack in meaningful relationships. And a man who puts all his energies into making money is also at risk for becoming an inattentive partner and parent, because he's prioritizing money (which produces limited happiness) over relationships (which has been proven as the #1 factor in overall lifetime happiness).

Bottom line, ladies, take care of your bodies, and know how to make your own money and be good with money. Then seek out a man who is also good with his money -- regardless of how much he makes (and ideally, he'll also take care of HIS body, too!). Being "rich" isn't so much about what/how much you have, but what you choose to do with it.

[A L]

I'm having the reverse dilemma: I don't think marrying for money is a good idea unless there is true love there as well. And I'm caught up in a situation in which someone I was starting to fall for now turns out to have money and it's scared me away! And yes it is the stereotype of the older guy and the younger woman - not beautiful but I'm hourglass with long hair and long legs.

So the question I'm asking myself, and can't answer yet, is, Do we love each other's souls, and will he want me in ten years' time with a few wrinkles and an uplift bra, and will I want him if he ends up on a state pension and nothing else?

We have a lot in common so the answer might be yes, but I really don't know. The money clouds my judgement. I do need some help right now, but I feel very reluctant to take it from him as I would feel "bought" or worse.

Until I can be sure that I truly love him, there can't be anything physical, and I can't take money, I reckon.

A weird take on this question, maybe??!