Dirty Little Money-Grubbing Haircutting Secrets

The following is an excerpt from Secrets of a Stingy Scoundrel: 100 Dirty Little Money-Grubbing Secrets and is reprinted with the permission of Skyhorse Publishing, Inc. The book is a tongue-in-cheek (and a little rough in places) list of "100 dirty little money-grubbing secrets." You don't often see humor and personal finance mixed, so this book is a unique spin on whatever you've read in the past. Enjoy the excerpt!

Worst: John Edwards paying $800 of his campaign money for a haircut.

Bad: My wife forking over $60 to get her hair “cut,” meaning left exactly the same length and combed a little bit differently with a bunch of sweet-smelling gunk stuck in it.

Better: Me paying $12 to the place inside Wal-Mart for a crappy, uneven mop massacre.

Best: Cutting out the middle man and doing it yourself, or having it done by a friend or loved one whom you’re reasonably sure won’t carve a smiley face into the back of your head.

This last point is important, lest you go through life with the nickname “Smiley,” like my college friend Smiley. The poor Canadian sap fell victim to the ruthless designs of my buddy Magill during sophomore year in the dorms. Smiley was looking to save a few bucks on a haircut just before a football game, and Magill allowed him to do exactly that, only with the unspoken corollary that Smiley, who would henceforth no longer be known as Dave, attends the game with a smiley face on the back of his head. He might still have the symbol to this day had a giggling group of freshman girls sitting behind us not pointed out the mishap to Smiley, who then made Magill shave his head completely.So long as Magill isn’t your impromptu barber, you should be safe. But only the most sure-handed, patient, Mr. Miyagi–like among us is capable of taking a razor to his own head without getting Wal-Mart-like results. It’s better to find someone else to run the clipper through your hair, probably changing up the guard for the top and bottom of your noggin. The cut that’s served me well for more than a decade is a No. 6 up high and a No. 1 down low. In order to steer clear of mushroom head, have your haircutting slave bridge the line between the two layers by running the clippers over a comb pressed against your noggin. For those with longer hair, I hear good things about the Flowbee. Okay, not really, but it’s got to work better than a bowl cut.

Oh to be alive in the 1970s, when long hair was deemed a fashionable quality. Those hippies from back in the day could get away without a haircut for months, and when they really needed one, they could hack it off themselves with scissors. In return for this luxury, they had to live with polyester pants and chest-hair-exposing leisure suits.

It makes me proud to cruise the streets and still catch glimpses of those brave, bold souls who rock hippie hair in modern times. It takes a true hippie soul to let his long, wavy hair speak for him and subvert the powers that be—fashion faux pas consequences be damned.

Comments

[bill]

Thanks for that, it put a smile on my face (not on my head, though)

[Mark]

Hey, I cut my hair myself every couple weeks with a Remington Shortcut. Haven't paid for a haircut in years.

[Rev Orv]

Mmmm - polyester - not just a fabric but a way of life....

[Michael]

We bought a pair of clippers from Walmart soon after we got married, and my wife has been clipping my hair and our boys hair ever since.

I let her go get it cut wherever she wants, since she only does it every 4-6 months and it makes her feel good.

[Traciatim]

I just clip mine with clippers and keep it pretty short (#1 in the summer, #2 in the winter). It cost me about 60 bucks I guess, I've been using it every couple of weeks for about 6 years.

[Noadi]

If you have easy to cut hair kept short (like many men do) that's a good plan. For women, especially those of us with hair that's harder to cut well like my curls, maybe not so much. It's worth it for me to go to a small local salon, pay out $30 and get a good haircut (I have long hair so that's every 3 months or so). I save money in other ways so I can do these occasional things that make me feel good about myself and how I look.

[LotharBot]

I got one of those cheap Remington electrics for $12 I believe. I can do my own hair fairly well with a double-mirror setup (big bathroom mirror plus a door-hanging mirror on the bathroom door) but it's better if my wife is there to help out.

She spends about $50 per haircut, in large part because she's been unhappy with the results from "cheap" places and she regularly interacts with high-level execs and government officials. She found a place that does $50 haircuts that she's really, really happy with (and that are easy to maintain!), so we put that into the budget.

[vga]

Great plan!

Save a few bucks and ensure that you'll wind up dateless every Friday night.

Or better yet, spread the money saving love and ensure that your children will be social outcasts once they reach the age where appearance starts to matter.

[Sarah]

You recognize the value (justified or not) of a good appearance. A woman (except perhaps an older woman who can get away with close-cropping, and even then she's probably going to want to have her hair colored) is unlikely to look good with a haircut given by an amateur friend. There's just a lot more emphasis on having stylish hair for women if you have a professional job.

(I am stubborn and go to Supercuts, and all my friends consider that insane. And I admit, before my next round of interviews, I will probably break down and go to the salon for an update.)

[Kirk Kinder]

I wouldn't want the 70s just because of disco...ugh.

Look at barber schools too. They usually charge substantially less than regular barbers. But, you will, at some point, get a bad haircut.

[Terry]

For years I used a compact lightweight gadget called Trimcomb, made in the 1960s by Popeil Brothers in Chicago.

If the name Popeil sounds familiar, you may have heard of Ron Popeil and RONCO. The Trimcomb may have been one of his earliest gadgets, preceding all the RONCO kitchenware.

The Trimcomb consisted of two pieces of thin plastic about the size of your palm. The two halves could be slid apart to allow the insertion of a double-edged razor blade. Then you slide the two halves back together and slide it across your hait to trim it to any length desired.

This was very portable (just slip it in a pocket) and good for trims to stay sharp, or a wholesale haircut if you let it go shaggy.

[Lender]

Unlike other women who spend obscene amounts of money in salons, I get my hair cut by my grandma. While she's no celebrity stylist, she does a neat job of it, and charges absolutely nothing for the service!

[MC]

Hopefully this whole post is tongue-in-cheek?

Believe me, all you guys who cut your own hair with hedge trimmers---it's way obvious and it looks heinous!

As you pointed out in another recent post, good grooming is essential if you want a successful career in business.

This is especially true for women, who are judged much more harshly than men if they don't look perfect & up-to-date.

$60 for a good (white) woman's haircut is a bargain! And of course, you should include the *frequency* of needed haircuts in your comparison of costs. I bet your wife only gets her hair cut every 8-12 weeks, whereas you probably need to get yours cut every 3-4 wks.

Ethnicity also makes a difference on what you have to spend on your hair to look well-groomed and professional. Black women usually feel that they need to spend far more on their hair than white women, since relaxed hair (which requires lengthy and frequent salon treatments to maintain) is considered an essential look by many professional women (I don't agree, but I don't set the trends!)

[guinness416]

From the couple of excerpts so far, this book sounds excruciating. Does it have the "dirty thinks-he's-funny uncle you have to fix a fake grin around every christmas dinner" vibe throughout?

Anyway, my husband gets his hair cut at a place in chinatown for five bucks. The bengali barbers near us are cheap too - check out the ethnic parts of your town! He gets a professional cut, gets to banter with the barber (albeit in a somewhat tortured way given their competing accents) of a sunday morning, and we don't have to clean up any hair.

Plus MC's right - look at the expense, whether 5 or 12 or 50 bucks, as an investment in your professional appearance.

[CJ]

Agree with guinness416...sounds like a dreadful book.

Better than best...shave your head. No skill involved.

[AB]

I've been cutting my own hair myself for a little under a decade now. I can't imagine any barber could do much better. I use a number 7 on top and two on the bottom, with a number 3 to blend the two lengths together. After doing it so long, you get really good at it. The first few times can be shakey, but after that you are set for life! I use a combination of a bathroom mirror with a handheld mirror to get the back. My wife cleans up my neck as needed. Small shop vac for cleanup and you are set. I have very straight hair - this could be tougher with curly hair. The savings can really add up. Given 1 haircut per month for just the last 5 years @ $15 per cut: 15 x 12 x 5 = $900. Cost of a set of decent clippers: $30 - $50.

Oh yeah - and the comment on cutting kids' hair - start when they are young when looks don't matter. Practice using only scissors. I bet you'll get pretty good at it by the time "looks matter." I have an 18 month old boy with a full head of hair since he was born. I've cut it around four times now keeping it longer with scissors and I've gotten pretty good at it (given the squirminess). I've got twins on the way and I'm hoping for at least one girl to try my skills on (even though my wife may disagree).

I bet you could find some hair cutting tutorials on YouTube if you need some tips to get started!

[tlc]

Starting back in the Navy I used a Trimcomb, which was ok. Later I used a clipper and I am now on my second Flowbee. Touch up and neck with a battery operated beard trimmer. Am now in my 50's. Figured I saved around $15,000 in haircuts. My dad saved mucho $ by cutting the 5 boys' hair as we we growing up....And no, my wife will not let me touch her hair.