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January 29, 2010

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I think one thing that can't be stressed enough is the fact that for many people this is an extremely sensitive subject. It only takes one or two questions before they bounce back with a very strong defensive attitude. And once the conversation has come to this, it won't end well. Each relationship is different, just make sure that the time is right.

We had a group of friends over a couple of weekends ago and ended up talking relationships and finances in the wee hours of the morning with the 6 or so that stayed late.

We had some revelations:

1) Our friends are broke...way more broke than we thought. One of them gets by using a payday loan every 6 weeks. Another couple has defaulted on some credit card debt.

2) Most of our friends are over 45 years old and will never be able to retire comfortably...they'll have to make do with social security and working.

3) The two couples that were there try not to discuss finances too often since it's a sore subject.

4) Our friends were surprised when my husband and I independently said we wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who didn't want to save like we did...we didn't even know that each of us had said it until our friends brought it up. :-)

They then asked if we would get a divorce if one of us ran up what we considered "stupid" debt (like credit card debt for luxury items without telling the other person)...we looked at each other and said "yes" at the same time. It's nice to know when you are on the same page...it made me smile which confused our friends even more...

Luckily these little "revelations" haven't hurt our friendships (they are very great people), but it made me realize how lucky my husband and I were to meet each other. Financial security in a relationship starts with complete disclosure and mutual goals. Everybody should be financially naked with their spouse. My friends are fighting the consequences right now.

PS We have since hung out with other friends that are doing okay, so at least we aren't the common denominator. :-)

First date, probably not.

But if you can't talk seriously about finance and money with some then you shouldn't consider them marriage material.

well i think masterpro is right i would not consider to be married till i have atleast some amount in pocket after all i don't think to make other people's life a hell.

Stock Blog - That's not what MasterPo meant.

Clearly for the sake of pure reality BOTH parties in a relationship MUST contribute financially (unless one person is filthy rich! And even then what happens if that money goes bye-bye? It can happen!).

MasterPo's point was that later, after dating a while and getting to know each other the usual aires that are first put up when initially dating normally come down. If you are serious about the person and they are about you there is no reason not to have a heart-to-heart about how the two of you will live as a couple.

It's fine if one personhas more of a head for finance than the other (ex: MasterPO does most of the investing in the famil. But sometimes Mrs. MasterPo shines with a brilliant insight too ;-) ) NTL, you still must be able to talk about it and know what you're dealing with.

MasterPo has frequently read the #1 reason couples fight is over money. Perhaps that's inevitable. But at least you should be able to being by talking.

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