Should Students Pay Their Own College Costs?

Here's a question that's bound to get people riled up (it always seems to when we've discussed it before):

Should student pay their own college costs or should their parents (or somewhere in the middle)?

MSN Money asks this question without taking one side or the other.

Here's a summary of our plans:

• Help our kids get into a good (not necessarily "great" -- I don't think it's worth paying for "great") school
• Help them secure as much financial aid as possible (it will have to be non-need based since we have no chance of getting need-based scholarships.)
• They will pay for a good portion of their schooling themselves in scholarships or through working and saving.
• We're also saving in 529s and Education Savings Accounts since a good portion will simply need to be paid for (and we don't want to take out loans, as you might imagine.)
• In all, I'm guessing that we'll end up picking up 75% of their college costs. In my point-of-view, it's the last thing we need to do to set them up for success before they leave the nest completely.

A couple other things to note:

• We are not slowing down our retirement savings to fund college savings. If we had to choose, we'd pick retirement.
• Just because we want to provide for our children this way doesn't mean I think it's everyone's responsibility to do so.

So, what are your plans? Will you pay for your kids' college educations, expect them to pay, or share the costs with them?

Comments

[Traciatim]

I had plans to cover about half of our kids education costs through some funds we had set aside for them. Life turned out that the plan just had to unravel. So far we're back to nothing saved, but hopefully we will get back on board again soon.

My plan was to try and talk the kids in to working part time in high school, then working for 2 years in the real world while they figure themselves out a bit and then go to school when they are a little more serious that they don't want to work dead end jobs for the rest of their lives and realize how hard it is to live on low wages. In reality I doubt it will happen... but I can always try.

[Kyle]

I had to pay my own way through college, in fact I am still paying for it. It didn't kill me to do it and I didn't even try to find scholarships or other forms of financial aid outside of student loans. I would like to think that with a little effort and the state lottery scholarships my kids will be responsible for only a wee bit of their education which we might be able to help them with.

[Elle]

I believe parent may help, but students should really take responsibility for their education. My mom offered lower rent and help with my car, but financial aid was my responsibility. It motivated me to look for grants and scholarships and for my first years, I got paid to go to college.

I took some student loans in my junior and senior year along with grants. I kept my loans within reason and I was able to get my college education.

[CPA Abroad]

My parents picked up half my tuition and my room and board. I had an academic scholarship for the other half of the tuition. There was no chance for need based scholarships as my parents fell into that sweet spot of earning too much to get aid, not enough to truly be able to afford the full freight. I did take out subsidized loans so the money my parents had saved could continue to accrue interest while I was in school. The loans were paid off in full at the end of the 6 month grace period. If I would have gone to a more expensive school some of the tuition burden would have fallen to me. If I lost my scholarship, that burden fell to me. I was expected to pay for my books and social life.

My parents spent the first 10 years of marriage paying off my dad's school loans so they vowed to not put my brother and I through the same thing as long as we earned it (i.e. kept the grades up, stayed out of trouble, etc.). They also required that we go into professions with good earning potential or go to the local branch of the state university. It was not that they did not see a profession with low pay as not acceptable but they saw college as an investment in our future but if the ROI didn't work they were not going to overpay.

I am off to grad school in the fall (hopefully) and that cost will be totally borne by me.

[Barrett]

"I did take out subsidized loans so the money my parents had saved could continue to accrue interest while I was in school. The loans were paid off in full at the end of the 6 month grace period"

That's a good idea, I never thought of doing it that way (my son is only two months old so I have some time, still :P)!

[Jason]

I think it's my duty as a parent to pay for the entirety of my child's college education. Starting out life with a ton of debt is horrible. I'm also not keen on my child working during high school. They'll have time to work the rest of their life, and they need to enjoy youth while they can.

[Greg]

High school, the Air Force, the GI Bill for college, and a part time job. That's what I did. Take responsiblity and do it, it's not your parents "duty" to "give" you yet something else in life that you don't have to work for. There is too much of an entitlement mentality in our younger society as it is. Don't make it any worse! And I would venture to say that half the kids in college these days neither deserve nor want to be there anyway, making it more difficult for those that could be productive with a degree to do so.

[Evolution Of Wealth]

I'll have money for my kids college but it won't be in a 529 or anything like that. The money I give them is earmarked to help them pay back the loans they take to pay for the school of their choice. I expect them to work and fund what they can of their own college educations. If they take on a lot of debt. I'll have money aside to help them pay for that debt to help take the burden off as they find the career they are looking for. What do you think?

[Tyler]

I dont believe its a parents responsibility or duty to pay for college. I completely understand parents who for one reason or another decide not to cover the costs.

If parents are perfectly able to cover the costs, I believe they should. Mine was covered, and if I am able to cover the costs I will. (I am a donor to my University and to my High School so it only makes sense for me to cover my child's education.)

Also, it was impossible for me to receive any need tested financing or scholarships- this reduces the possibilities substantially. Thus my parents had some responsibility to assist. My education was fully paid for and I am very grateful for starting my post college life debt free.

[Jeff]

I went to a very good public university, and I walked onto campus with enough money to pay for two full years of expenses, living very frugally. I just plain ran out of money in my last semester of school, and my parents gave me a fairly modest amount to make it through. I paid for the rest of it myself.

I sacrificed a lot of social time during high school in order to work to save money for college. I also worked a lot during summers for the same. My parents were pretty frugal, and I followed suit because they set my expectations for paying for college myself. I don't remember a time when I wasn't saving, so I was prepared well for adulthood financial responsibilities. In hindsight, I see that the intense focus I had on money as a youth really set me back socially and relationally. While I was adept at managing my finances early in life, I had to learn how to interact with people as an adult, which was sometimes painful.

For my kids (some day) I think that I would share the financial responsibility with them. I've thought about having some sort of matching program with them, perhaps dollar for dollar. In any case, I think that the overarching goal should be to teach them financial responsibility while still keeping a balance with other aspects of their lives.

[Lynn]

No, my hubby and I are not planning to pay for college for our future children. There are lots of scholarships, fellowships, grants, loans, work-study opportunities, and regular old paying jobs. We plan to actively help our children find these opportunities and review their applications before they submit them.

Instead, we will focus on building our wealth so that we can retire comfortably, and leave a substantial inheritance to our family when we pass away.

[David C]

When I decided to go to college,lo those many years ago, my parents offered me room and board and I took care of the rest. They did have a $1000 fund available that they had saved up for a while, which helped out. I worked various part time jobs and the rest of my time and effort was devoted to school. I finished about a semester early, exhausted but with no student loans. To me this is one of the proudest achievements of my younger days. I feel that I earned the education and that it taught me what was necessary to get things done.

Our son is attending community college right now. Fortunately our local community college has a free tuition program for students who make good grades, commit to a set level of community service and other criteria. This has helped immensely. Before my father-in-law passed away several years ago he had set up a small trust account so that all the grandkids could get a start at college. He was not a wealthy man, but wanted his grandkids to have a better start than he did. His forward thinking generosity will help out when our son transfers to a state university in another year. Whatever, and that will most likely be a lot, this fund does not cover will be paid by us. Our son has had a part time job, which helps him with pocket money. Hopefully when he moves up to a four year school he will be able to snag another one.

We are still contributing to our retirement accounts, but not as much as we were a few years ago. Once we get him out of school, I am hoping to ramp up my contributions. I anticipate driving my 13 year old Toyota and my wife her 8 year old Ford for a few more years, but that was the plan anyway. If we can help our son start out with a decent education and as little student debt as possible, it will be worth it.

[Jackie]

I intend to help out my son with college (or other education) expenses. He has also been saving for years, and assumes he will work as well. (He already has a part time job in high school.) I'm in the happy medium camp -- I believe there is value on paying toward your college education yourself (or earning scholarships) but I also think some help is nice where possible. What I do NOT agree with is my son borrowing money for school. (Or me borrowing it on his behalf.)

[Edgar]

I was very fortunate that my parents paid 100% of my education, tuition, books, room and board, meal plan and had a monthly allowance for partying/socializing. That sounds crazy now when I look back on it; AND I stayed for 5 years (switched my major my junior year). I have to say though that the memories I have of that time are irreplaceable and will always be the highlight of my life. If did not have the time or money to socialize I would not be where I am today. College is not only for studying and book learning, its also about opening up and finding yourself. You can be that person you've always wanted to be or thought you were; almost like a fresh start. All my friends today are from university and not from secondary schooling.

Given this, I too, will try and provide my child with the same benefits, only with a small twist. I will ask that they work during semesters to pay rent while at home or if they decide to take a semester off. This rent will then be returned to them when they graduate.

I understand the value of an education, however I also see the value of networking as well. Having a good balance between studying, working and networking / socializing, in my opinion, is the key to the business world.

[MikeS]

My parents didn't have to pay my tuition. They both worked for companies that had scholarship programs that I was able to receive (merit based). It pretty much covered all my tuition and books. I didn't have to worry about room and board as I stayed home and was able to commute to school. My wife wasn't as fortunate and ended school with about $20K in loans.

We are going to try and put money aside, at least that's the plan now. We won't however, jeopardize our retirement to pay for school. When my wife begins to work outside the home, currently a SAHM, we'll use some of her salary for education funding.

I will try and help out if I can, but not to the detriment of my own financial well-being.

[A.M.]

Knowing you have to pay for your own college can be a big motivator in High School. I knew my parents didn't have money to pay for college, so I busted my hump to ensure I graduated valedictorian, got good standardized test scores, and applied to multiple schools where I stood a good chance at getting a free ride. In fact, I was offered above a full tuition scholarship at two different schools and decided upon one of the fully funded schools over my "first choice," where I was only awarded a partial scholarship. My parents did help out a little with room and board, but I worked all through college to make any "fun money" I might want.

In the end, it worked out wonderfully. I got a great education and came out with zero debt. Had I not known ahead of time that I was on my own, I might not have worked so hard in High School to lay the groundwork for a free college education.

[Holly]

I thought the whole time I was in college (6 yrs.-I also switched majors my junior year!) that my father and mother (divorced when I was 12) were paying, only to find out UPON GRADUATION that all of those times that my father sent me to the fin. offices, I was signing my life away! I ended up with over $35,000 in student loans to my name.

So parents, pay all, pay half, or pay nothing, but be honest with your intentions about your financial involvement...have the decency to make sure you talk openly with your children. It's been no picnic having to hold in my resentment all of these years (I'm 40 now)for the fact that I was 'tricked' into a major financial obligation...and I'm a SAHM, so my husband reminds me every chance he gets how it became HIS financial burden!

[mashford]

I plan, like you, on providing 75-80% of the cost upfront. I feel that they need to have some skin in the game to be responsible, so I will probably pay off the remainder of their college debt when they get married.

[Crystal]

Holly, would you have spent less if you had known it was your debt? Does your hubby know that he's being a jerk by reminding you? I feel frustrated on your behalf.

I agree that parents should be up front...my parents were wishy washy all the way through. They covered my first year and then we majorly disagreed about who I was dating (my husband now). So I covered the other three years and took $8000 in loans at 5% interest from my parents since they refused to fill out the FAFSA paperwork. They then forgave those loans when I graduated. It ended up that they paid about $16,000 and I covered the rest through multiple scholarships and by working on campus year round...sometimes in multiple jobs that added up to more than 35-50 hours a week. It took an emotional toll on my relationship with my parents, but I do feel like I earned my no debt degree.

If I ever have a kid, he/she will know exactly how much we will be willing to give. I liked the idea I read elsewhere about covering the cost of housing and the child covering everything else. It would push them to get as many scholarships and grants as possible.

[Susan]

My husband's parents paid 100% of the private college costs for all 3 of their kids ($120k EACH = $360k total). Then they completely and totally failed to save a penny for retirement. (Long story, but they are bad bad bad with $$). So now, my mother in law (FIL is deceased) will soon be 70, and the whole family is stressed trying to figure out a way to pay for her retirement.

Now each of my husband and his siblings WISH they had student loans to pay right now for their education, and that their parents put that $360k into retirement savings instead.

Once my hubby and I are able to max out our savings to our retirement plans, we will then think about saving for college for our 1 year old. But our retirement savings comes first, because I don't want us to be a burden on our kids down the road.

[jim]

I think that the costs should be shared. So I'm voting for "somewhere in the middle".

If the parents pay for everything then the kid can take it for granted. They aren't working for it and don't have a financial stake in their college. If the kids pay for everything then that can be overly burdensome on them and make it a bit too hard to succeed in school. So I don't like the extremes. I personally think its best for both parents and the child to contribute some.

[Matthew]

I am going to give my kids the option of going to a good state school, and having all their tuition, room and board paid. But they have to maintain a certain GPA and all fun stuff is on them. I got a full scholarship to school and then co-oped every other semester to pay for most everything, but my parents paid living expenses, because they were before I left for college anyway. This helped me leave college with no debt and a good head on my shoulders. It also made me work hard in high school and stay out of trouble.

As for my wife, her parents told her nothing about money and wouldnt pay a dime. Not even living expenses. So, three weeks before I got married I found out I was taking on $55,000 worth of student loans she had. Let me tell you, it is very difficult to swallow giving up any thing for yourself because you are having to pay so much for your wife's debt, while also making 3 times as much as she does. But I love her, and that is what I have to do. She is my number one earthly priority! And I dont blame her, I blame her parents for not preparing her.

[BillV]

I realize this is a tad off topic; but, for any single folks reading this, clearlyamong the topics you should talk about with a potential intended is the respective debt each has. Not to mention your views on saving spending.

On topic, I'm ambivalent about it. Don't/won't have children but my own view is I don't believe it is an obligation. what ever you feel comfortable with. I used to think that I would pay for the nearby Big 10 school or if the kid wanted to go elsewhere, they could have the equivalent subsidy. the rest would be up to them. Myself, my parents let me stay at home for two years, I paid for everything else. They'ed have let me stay all 4 but I wanted to live on campus. I worked year round, full time summers and between quarters. Borrowed 200 dollars from them and paid it back two months later. My father for whatever reason would not fill out the financial aid forms.

All in all, I was /am better off having paid my own way. I certainly learned how to live within my means and save money too.

@Holly. dang. Anyway you can get your husband to get over it somehow? I see a bad moon arising.

All in a

[JimF]

$400/month total for 4 kids, that's what we're putting away. The rest is up to them.

[Noadi]

My parents didn't have the money to pay for my college and it's something I know my mom feels bad about (despite me telling her she shouldn't). They helped me out a bit with spending money, buying textbooks, and a few other things but the big costs tuition and room and board I took care of with financial aid, a few small scholarships, and student loans I'm still paying. I think if parents can afford to help their kids with college they should, too many people leave college in deep debt due to student loans. This doesn't just mean paying but helping them apply for financial aid, finding scholarships to apply to, and helping them with the student loan process so they have a better grip on what they're getting into than I did.

[DJ Wetzel]

I had to pay my own way through college. I feel blessed that I graduated with only $5000 through a combination of need based aid and scholarships, as well as a work study program and numerous part-time jobs.

As a college financial aid advisor (and not a parent, yet), I may have a different take on this than most. I see the side of students when they are most fragile. They usually end up in my office when they are at the end of their rope and have no where to turn for college funding. By the time I see them, most of them have only one option, student loans. It hurts to have to tell a well intentioned student that they have missed every deadline for financial aid and that loans are there only option. I know that there is free money available and that there are enough scholarship funds and federal/state grants to go around, the trick is finding it and applying for it.

So, with that said, as a parent, even if you are willing to pay for your child's entire education, why would you not take advantage of free money. In my opinion, the best service you can do to your child and yourself, is to work doggedly searching, applying, and receiving scholarships and federal grants. By taking a proactive approach with your child to finding funding for college, you will both be much better off financially.

[Wil]

I understand parents wanting to help their children..., this is what parents believe their jobs are. My parents offered to help me with tuition and expenses, and I used my first college years to meet chicks, do drugs, and slack off. Parents need to start preparing their young ones for the time when Mommie and Daddy won't be around to pick up their pieces.

Cutting me off was the best thing they did for me. Instilling in me a loathing of debt (i.e. student loans, which they would never have allowed), comes in a close second. When I "grew up" a little, and decided to go to school on my own, I did much better, was more focused, and completed my degree able to hold my head up because I accomplished it on my own, not beholden to anybody else.

Young people who are told that they need to lean on parents, loans, or anything other than their own hard work, dedication, and intelligent planning are being duped. Because of this phenomenon, young people are less able to compete when they get out of college than before.

My kids will learn that any success they will ever have will be due to their own labor, not mine, not some bank, and not society.

[Brent]

I don't have kids, but when I do I hope to "chip in", but not pay for everything. I think a student loan is a great way for someone to really think of their education as an investment, not play time. It's like getting a small business loan. You better have a good plan for paying it back which means earning a degree that will earn you a living.

[Kim]

Paying for 75% or more. Child #1 did 2 years at local community college and now going go a state university a few miles from home (San Diego State). Child #2 still at community college. They know that if they wish to go away to school they will have to get loans to cover room and board - if a state school and more if a more expensive school. So far no takers on that. We are fortunate to live so close to both a Cal State and a UC school. They might have to get a student loan to help with the last year, but probably for $4,000 or less.

[Bruce]

Even though parents do not have to pay the college tuition of their children, when you divorce, courts often force you to.

Our son paid for his own college education from his savings from previous work. Then we reimbursed him 100% for any courses with A's, 80% for B's, etc. Thus we were willing to pay if he made the effort, otherwise it was his tab.

[Old Limey]

@Wil
I agree with you. My son did some of the same things you did and although I always hoped that he would be square and follow in my footsteps as an engineer, he never did. We knocked heads all the time when he was living at home and the only time we came together, apart from at Juvenile Hall, was in sports where he was a good player. I was there for him at every practice and every game throughout Baseball and Football, as well as serving on the board and helping with the fundraising. We never gave him an allowance, he had a huge variety of jobs as a youth and was a good worker but never wanted to go to college, in fact we put him in a vocational branch of high school in the end where he learned about being a mechanic. He started his career repairing mechanical things but then, to my surprise, found what he really excelled at, and that was selling mechanical things, rather than repairing them. Now at 46 he is his company's top salesman, has large accounts selling Mass Spectrometers for a German company, earns a good 6 figure salary, has settled down, has a family, is finally a straight arrow, and is a son that my wife and I are very proud of. I don't think that college can teach you how to be a great salesman, it's all about having great people skills and street smarts. One area he did a lot better than his Dad was in the "Chick" department - I only ever had one (that has lasted 53 years), he really sowed his wild oats big time.

One of our girls went to a Junior College and became a dental assistant, the other got a BA in marketing from a nearby state college, got a great job managing a high rise office building for a developer, but then married a wealthy eviction attorney that insisted that she quit her job.
The bottom line is that our three kids have done well and it didn't cost us anything since they all had jobs. The sooner you learn all the rules by which the real world operates, the better it is for you.

[MasterPo]

MasterPo believes it is the JOB of a parent to assist their children anyway they can in securing (to the extent possible) a bright future!

But, with that said, the child shouldn't grow up *expecting* mommy&daddy to foot the bill for 4 years of partying.

Much depends on the family situation of course and the child's personality themselves. Some kids NEED the discipline of working to pay at least part of the way (it's soooooo true that something obtained for free has less value than something you had to work hard for!).

OTOH, it may also be just as valid to allow the child the freedom to concentrate 100% on their studies and not have to be distracted.

It's a family decision. But MasterPo does think it's totally wrong to force a child to pay for their own schooling with philosophies like "It was good enough for me, it's good enough for you!" Or, "I got you through high school, the rest is on your own."

For what is the function of a parent?

[Holly]

@Crystal:
Yes, I would have worked much, MUCH! harder if I had known that I would eventually be held financially accountable!!! That's why I will most likely expect my three to be working part-time through college as well as keep their grades up. My oldest (9th gr.) is in an all-girls college-prep HS...she rec'd a $12,000 merit scholarship. All 3 of our children are striving for academic success. Like you had mentioned, I will look into scholarships and grants.

I was surprised to hear you comment that your parents also ignored the inevitable conversation of who will be respnsible to pay. Sound like you are a 'self-starter' (I am not, I need a lot of coaxing).

@BillV: My DH is more angry at my parents (they were/are very childish at times) for pulling the rug out from under me. We're fine, and thanks for listening, everyone! : )

[Financial Samurai]

This answer is simple. Children should only pay if they are getting straight A's and can handle work during college. Otherwise, foreget it.

A "B" could mean $100,000 in lost income over your lifetime.

[Eric]

I was the first in my family to go to college so my parents really had no idea what that entailed. They didn't save any money for me nor did I really expect them to pay anything. Fortunately, I worked hard and got an A in every single class in high school and ended up with a fully paid scholarship to a prestigious university.

As for my kids, I'm determined to save as much as I can for them as long as it doesn't compromise our retirement and savings goals. I think parents should strive for that.