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July 28, 2010

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Great post! It really shined a bright light on an area of my life that I've been struggling with for years. Relationships and being the right person rather than seeing the right people. So true that we need to be right and still be in relationships even when they thngs that are't acceptable. We do I n marriage everyday and we need to expand that to our everyday relatinships as well!

Sorry about my last post. I'm still getting use to this iPhone.

I was trying to convey that being the right person rather looking to others to be right is paramount in relationships.

This topic is very apropos to me as my wife and I have been watching one episode per day recently of a wonderful BBC production that is set in England in the latter part of the 1800's. The lifestyle depicted shows a great sense of community and happiness even though the majority are living a hand to mouth existence without electricity, transportation, hot & cold running water, or any of the other myriad of modern conveniences that we take completely for granted. This production deals with the happenings in a community where there is a small hamlet of maybe a dozen cottages and a very small town that is eight miles away. If anyone is interested the two, 4-DVD series are available on Netflix and it's called "Lark Rise to Candleford". It's a series we will both be sorry when it has to end.
My wife and I are in our mid seventies, married 54 years, debt free, high income, high net worth, excellent healthcare, a beautiful home and an even more beautiful garden in a wonderful, sunny part of California, with no life threatening ailments, and money is the last thing that matters to us. We have realized more and more since our children went away and started their own families that the most important thing we have in the world is each other. The great thing about retirement is that we don't have to say "Goodbye" and drive off to work every day and that happiness is knowing that your best friend is always there when you need them. Over time we have divided all of our responsibilities and life runs very smoothly for us. The only thing I notice though is that when one of the children call and I answer the phone, they say, "Is Mom there?" Maybe it's because she was always the nurturer and I was the disciplinarian.

I think this is the best Marotta article yet. :D Full of insightful and witty nuggets. Thanks for sharing.

@Old Limey "The only thing I notice though is that when one of the children call and I answer the phone, they say, "Is Mom there?" Maybe it's because she was always the nurturer and I was the disciplinarian."

I do this same thing with my parents. I usually talk to my mom a lot more than my father and maybe for the reason you give here because that was basically the situation for me and my sister.

Make an effort to reach out. I've been working on changing that habit now that I will be a father soon myself and the self examination and connection with ones own parents that brings. Your kids will thank you for it, at least I had been wanting more interaction with my father for a long time. It's improving and it's great.

@Marotta.... This is a very thought provoking post. Great job.

@Brad
Being father to a daughter is a lot different than being father to a son.
In my day and age, with a son, sports became a strong common interest where we both enjoyed his participation in baseball and football. Later we went on strenous hiking and climbing trips and also shared in the love affair that young men have with the automobile.
With daughters it's more about protecting them from the wrong kind of young men that come into their lives, but occasionally they won't like the advice they receive.
Now that my children are 46, 49, and 52 the relationships are all excellent but very different. All three have given me trading authorization on their investments and I have done as well with their money as I have with my own. They also made money in 2008 for example. All three however tell me on occasion that once they add money to their accounts, it's like putting it into a black hole, because I discourage withdrawing it at this point in their lives. One of the very best things we did with our children was to buy a cabin, 250 miles away, at Lake Tahoe when the youngest, my son, was 4 years old. We called it "Back O'Beyond" and it was in a pristine forested area that had miles of wilderness behind it and a view of the lake, and we all learned to ski together there and used it at every opportunity in the Winter, and then in the Summer my wife would take them up there for a couple of weeks at a time to enjoy the great beaches around the lake.
The cabin (on purpose) had no telephone and no TV, occasionally we were snowed in, and they still talk about it as one of the happiest periods of their lives, where we forged our relationships as a family. We used to enjoy hiking into the backcountry at Christmas, finding the perfect tree, and dragging it back home to adorn with home made decorations. Later on, as teenagers, they would bring friends up with them. We kept it until they reached the age where they no longer wanted to do things with Mummy & Daddy, at which time we traded it into a nice condo at the beach only about 25 miles from where we live.

I enjoyed this post and Part 1 as well. Love the point about trying to be the right person instead of expecting it from others.

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