Tacky or Thrifty?

Here's an interesting money-related issue for everyone to weigh in on from Coupon Sherpa:

Is it considered tacky or thrifty to use a coupon on a first date?

So far, "tacky" is a bit ahead, but it's pretty close.

My thoughts:

• I'm married, so this is all hypothetical for me. But if I was dating my wife for the first time at this stage in our lives, if I didn't have a coupon, I know she would. ;-)
• Personally, I think it's a bit tacky and I wouldn't do it on the FIRST date. Maybe on later dates, though.
• If I was asked on a date and someone paid for me using a coupon, I wouldn't mind. In fact, I would see that as a positive sign. After all, both spouses need to be frugal for the couple to be successful financially -- so I'd see this as indicating a potential spouse had the "right stuff" (in at least one key area).

That's my take on the issue. What's yours?

Comments

[frodo]

I don't think the question should be whether it is tacky or not, but whether she would think it is tacky or not. If she has a problem with it, you know a lot more about her than she just learned about you.

[DJ]

I think too many people in today's society date for the sake of dating, rather than dating to find someone you are interested in marrying. Simply looking for the qualities you want in a spouse in the person you are dating. So if being frugal and managing your finances well is an important value for you, then by all means, use a coupon. If your date is totally turned off by that, then how do you think you would fare as a married couple?

Don't get me wrong though, using a coupon at McDonalds is still cheap and won't get you a second date no matter how you cut it!

[janetj]

Actually, using a coupon at McDonalds is as smart as using a coupon anywhere else, but I probably wouldn't take someone there for a first date anyways.

[rzrshrp]

I wouldn't do it because I would like to ease people into the facets of my personality that may not fly well at first impression but I still don't consider it tacky.

If we were in a society where it was more common for the women to pay, I would think she was clever if she had a coupon.

As long as it doesn't hamper the dining experience such as menu restrictions or going to a place that wasn't the first choice because there was no coupon, I don't see why a person should consider a coupon tacky.

Your date just had an experience for $30 that would cost most other people $40, what's wrong with that?

[Beth]

I pay my own way on first dates, so yes, I would definitely think it was tacky if a guy used a coupon to get a discount while I paid full price.

However, if he said before hand "I've got a great two for one coupon at x, why don't we try there?" that would be fine with me! Other indicators -- like how he treats the waiter/waitress and how generously he tips -- will tell me if he's cheap or not.

[koohiisan]

The night I proposed to my then gf we were eating at a pretty elite restaurant on a buy-one-get-one-free dinner coupon she had won in a contest! Worked for us! :)

[Chalmers]

It's considered tacky. It also suggests that you have limited financial resources and couldn't otherwise afford to treat the person to such a restaurant, which makes you appear less attractive. The question, of course, is whether you want the person to like you or you want to find the person most compatible with your traits. We generally aim for the former when first meeting people on dates; we put on our good clothes and look our best, even if we normally sit around the house in a t-shirt and cargo shorts. So yes, it's generally something to be avoided on the first date. Once the person knows you better, you can probably easy them into your frugality. I personally plan to present whomever I decide to marry with a cubic zirconium ring from Walmart, just to test their resolve.

[Matt]

How about the first date a 12 hour day going to a wedding 100 miles away? That is what my wife asked me out. Then I invited her over for dinner and fixed her in her words and "awesome dinner". I think she was really impressed that I cooked and how well.

I think our first out to dinner was her suggestion of location to use a coupon by her mom and dad's. I did not think it tacky but then again I am not the norm.

Interesting in that while dating it is considered tacky but when you are married it is frugal.

I may not use coupon on a first date but definetly have a conversation about it.

I find the coupon book helpful in suggesting new places, giving you a break on a meal and if it is a bad location it did not set you back alot of $$.

I think it speaks volumes that if you are on the same wave length you would not see this as tacky , thrify or frugal.

[Arimack]

I think you should be focused on the person you are on the date and not the finances. I would be cautious to detract from the moment to whip out a coupon. (Not to say that it is all about the money. I would not be against a date that is free. I had remember some great free or nearly free dates I planned when I was a starving college student.) I think there is a fine line between frugal and cheap and the first date is not the time to be tip toeing that line.
We have discussed before on the blogs how much of our time do we focus on saving money and, I seem to remember, the concensus was on saving on the big stuff and not worrying about the little things. I would say saving on dinner on the first date was a little thing.

[MC]

I'm 49, divorced woman, professional & I date quite a bit.

My answer is ... "it depends".

If I ask the man out on a first date, I pay for us both. If he asks me out on a first date, I'm expecting him to pay for us both. It's basic politeness IMO--whoever asks should follow up by paying for the evening. If a man asks me out and then expects me to pay my way---wow, that's way tacky & I'd totally think he's a loser. And sure, I'd use a coupon on a first date--but only if the restaurant is nice and the coupon allows him to choose whatever he wants off the menu. If the coupon only works for a certain entree--I wouldn't use it because it would be too rude to tell the man what he has to order.

Basically, you don't want to give the impression on a first date that you'd only ask the person out if you got a discount on the experience--it suggests you don't value them much.

My personal feeling is that if a man really can't afford to ask me out unless he uses a coupon, we're probably not in the same income/net worth category and so our relationship probably wouldn't work out anyway.

For someone I'm dating more long-term or for a friend that I know pretty well---using coupons is great as long as we can talk about it and both agree about using the coupon. But it's such a drag to not be able to go to a place you really want to eat at (even if I'm paying!) because your friend or partner refuses to go anywhere unless he's got a coupon. I don't go out just to consume calories and one restaurant or meal is not just as good as another. Going out is about sharing the experience and socializing, not about nickles and dimes. If you really can't afford to eat out, you should probably just stay home and cook.

[MC]

Re DJ's comment---I think that thinking about marriage on the first date is totally inappropriate! You are just getting to know the person!

I think it is absolutely appropriate for dating to be fun and enjoyable for both people. It is really weird in my opinion to consider going to a movie or out to eat with someone a waste unless you end up marrying them (!?!)

Hopefully you are dating someone who enough basic social skills to be pleasant and fun to be around while you are doing fun things together. On the other hand if a guy is just going to sit there like a lump while on a date with me, suffering through the whole situation while all the time hoping that I'll marry him---ugh, why would I want to spend my life with someone like that?

Even when I'm out with friends (platonic), I enjoy going to movies or sporting events or going out to eat and talk. A "date" is just doing this with someone you don't know very well and who you hope to know better because you think they have romantic potential. Not rocket science...

[Jason @ Redeeming Riches]

I'd like to think it's not tacky and that frugality would be celebrated, but yes, it's definitely tacky!!

[Snellmom]

I'm trying to think back if my husband had a coupon on our first date. I wouldn't be surprised if he did! BTW in reference to MC & DJ, we actually did discuss marriage on the first date. Of course we were also officially engaged just a few weeks later.

Although I'm far removed from the dating scene, if I were back on it, I'd LOVE it if a guy paid for a first date with a coupon. But, I think about dinners out with friends and even new acquaintances, yeah, I use coupons. BUT, I don't let the coupons dictate where we go, etc. I look at a coupon as money that I have to use toward my purchase.

[Jason @ Redeeming Riches]

Actually, now that I think about it - as a guy, I think it'd be tacky for me to pull out a coupon, but if the girl I was taking out offered it to me on the first date, I'd think that was pretty cool! :) Of course, I'm married, so it's all hypothetical! ha ha.

[Michele]

DJs comment assumes everyone wants to be, or should be married. Not everyone shates that value system.

If a man made a big deal out of using a coupon on the first date, was sheepish or apologetic for it, or used it to make some kind of soapbox statement about finances, it would tell me something about him that probably doesn't paint him in a positive light. If he discreetly slipped it into the billfold or stepped away to discuss payment with the waiter or cashier, it wouldn't bother me.

[Ann-Marie]

Tacky! It's great to be frugal, but wait a few dates until you whip out the coupon.

[MattJ]

I don't think I've ever used a coupon at a sit-down restaurant, except maybe a fast-food joint... I'm not really much of a coupon user, I guess. I've nothing against coupons, of course.

So many aspects of this argument puzzle me - from the coupon sherpa article:

For example, 30-year-old Maisie, a married professional and survey participant, interpreted it as a guy slyly claiming, "You're not worth the full price of dinner."
A coupon used on a dinner isn't a claim about how much you're worth, and it's not even a claim about how much dinner is worth - at least not by the guy. Perhaps if Maisie's date really wants to impress her he should buy her an extra dinner that she doesn't even want to let her know what she's worth - two whole dinners! Sorry for cracking wise, but sheesh...

Yeah, using a coupon on a first date is tacky, but part of me thinks I should carry a coupon book around just so I know when the lady across the table from me is a Maisie.

[Emily]

TACKY! I don't like using coupons at resturants in general, I can't imagine how embarrising it would be to use one on a first date!

[Tyler]

Totally inappropriate to use a coupon. If the place you're taking your date offers coupons, you've probably already made a major mistake in venue choice. Pull out the Visa and pick up the full tab- no coupons, no gift certificates, no rebate visa cards. This of course assumes you want a second date.

[t]

One of my favorite jokes off of the diehards.org site was on this topic. The joke was that when one went on a date you decide to go dutch and pull out a BOGO coupon while she is paying. :-)

[t]

I used to use IDINE.

Years back it was tied directly to my card as one of the cashback incentives.

[Elizabeth]

Definitely tacky. I understand all too well about fiscal responsibility and being thrifty. However, everything cannot always be about money. Tacky, tacky, tacky.

[jim]

I guess I have to go with 'Tacky'.

Frugality is fine but on a first date you're trying to make a good first impression. Coupons may make a good impression with some people but I think most will consider their use on a first date to be the sign of a cheapskate.

[KMI]

I think it depends on how well you know the person before dating, and how formal the first date is. If this is a stranger, and you want to go somewhere nice (to impress them) - no coupon. (A giftcard or something like that which can be used discretely, sure ...) If it is a more informal invitation, or you know the person well, then you should be able to comment up front - "Hey, I have a coupon for x place that I love - would you like to go there? If you have a favorite restaurant, we could go there instead." That makes it clear that the point is to go out to dinner and that using the coupon is nice, but not critical to the date itself.

[bobsmith]

I'm really not interested in impressing a date (or anyone for that matter) so I'd use a coupon. I'd actually study how she reacted to determine if she would be a good partner.

[LotharBot]

It's tacky if your date has to change their order in order to make your coupon work. That sends the signal "it's more important to me to save money than to let you have a good time".

Otherwise it's just thrifty. They have a nice date, and you save money? What's not to like?

[Old Limey]

Definitely tacky on a first date!
After 54 years of marriage I now get scolded by my wife if I throw a newspaper insert containing a coupon into the recycle bin when it's for a restaurant that we like. We are equally frugal, even though it has been a very long time since we needed to be, and have no problem presenting a coupon along with our credit card.
As for dates, I am from the old school where the man always paid no matter what kind of restaurant it was and wouldn't have feel right using a coupon no matter how long we had been dating.

[janetj]

Logically speaking:

If the woman doesn't like you, why would you pay for price. Use a coupon for that girl.

If the woman likes you enough to marry you, by using the coupon, you are actually preserving her wealth and she should be appreciative. After all, once you are married, your money is her money.

This is a thrifty woman speaking.

[jeffinwesternwa]

Two things that attracted me to my gal of 4+ yearrs, she (we both) had concealed pistol licenses and were "carrying" when we met on our first date, and, ..we both liked using coupons! both of us figured that money saved was "more enjoyment" for later, those thoughts and habits STILL stand by us....

[BD]

I think it depends on how he carries himself. There isn't anything inherently 'tacky' in using a coupon...only the way you do it.

If he's one of those types that makes a big deal about it, insists that I order water, uses the coupon, then stiffs the waitress/er on her/his full tip, then yes, it's tacky!

But if he is discreet, and plays off the coupon in a cool or funny way, and encourages me to order 'whatever I'd like', and gives the waitress/er her/his full tip value as if the coupon wasn't there...then I think it isn't tacky.

How he tips the waitress/er along with using a coupon (assuming s/he provided good/excellent service) is a good way to tell a person's character.

[Mike Hunt]

Tacky unless you can pull it off with humor or without the date knowing a coupon was used... If you can do the latter then you have mad skillz.

-Mike

[Crystal@BFS]

My husband wouldn't have because he didn't know that I would not have minded. I used a coupon at Chili's on our second date and he just smiled about it, lol. After that we both used coupons whenever we could. :-) So, I would vote: not tacky.

[Jeff]

I am buying her dinner, mine is free. Who cares as long as she isn't paying and you do it discreetly.