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« Free Money Finance March Money Madness, Round 2, Posts 29-32 | Main | Life is Not Measured by How Much You Own »

March 12, 2011

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Job #1 when the boy leave for college is to convert his room into an office so there will be no place to return. When I was young there was never a thought of ever moving back in with my parents - it's insane.

I lived at home, for five months, while I looked for an apartment in NYC. I already had a job and was commuting daily to it. The problem was that at an entry level job my salary was low so it took a while to find an affordable apartment. I spent every weekend for four months going to look at places until I found a place I could afford. My parents were very supportive and accommodating during this time. They didn't ask that I pay rent or do chores, because I did that without being asked. My mother didn't like to cook so that was my regular contribution.

I moved to where my husband was located right after graduation so I don't know about after, but I did live at home during my last 2 1/2 years of college. My situation was a bit different though since we had just lost my stepfather to cancer and I had three younger school age siblings still at home. I essentially became the second parent/driver in our house and while I didn't contribute monetarily I did anything else you can think of - grocery shopping, dropping off/picking up siblings, homework tutoring, laundry, dinner, ect. I commuted to school twice a week taking a full load of classes and worked another 3 days a week. (I graduated without any student debt partly because of not having to pay rent.)

Some students who find themselves moving back in with their parents (during or after graduation) do not intend to take advantage of the situation. However, I would agree that a frank conversation is necessary to make sure that everyone understands what is expected.

I was luck enough to find a job right out of school. I stayed at home for almost 2 years before I got my own apartment. During the time I was home, I still had chores to do and I was required to pay rent of about 20% of my pay.

I didn't know until I got married many years later that my parents had put the money I paid for rent into a savings account which they gave to us as a wedding present. A win-win for everyone.

I moved back home to my parents right after college. I probably did some chores but thats it. No rent or agreements or mandatory progress reports.

On one hand I agree you don't want to let your kid drink beer and play Xbox 24/7 forever while you serve them meals. On the other hand parents should be understanding and supportive and know that just cause their kid doesn't get a job right out of college doesn't mean they're a loser that needs to be treated as a low quality tenant you want to evict.

Be careful, I have seen friends move back in with their parents and never move out.

I have seen friend's parents baby the kids until they are 30 with still no plans to move out.

Sometimes moving back with parents is necessary but from what I have seen, if you are living with your parents and you have a job, you are using your parents so you do not have to grow up and pay rent on your own.

I like most of these suggestions since it gives the child an incentive to move out and start their own life.

Our son, the 3rd. child didn't go to college but was in no hurry to move out.
The problem was easy to diagnose - Life at home was just way too comfortable. With no bills to pay, a well stocked refrigerator, mother's great cooking, and free laundry - what's the hurry? At weekends my wife and I would often go to our beach condo and my son was left with a nice home, plenty of food, and a nice hot tub for entertaining his girl friend(s). I solved the problem by leaving him a friendly note saying that the house wasn't really big enough for two grown men and suggested that he find a place of his own by year end. He soon did - end of problem.

Now he's 47, happily married with a 10 year old daughter and a great, highly paid, job as his company's top salesman. We stopped using the beach condo after my wife had two artificial hips because it is a tri-level and has too many stairs. We didn't want to sell it for tax reasons because it has quadrupled in price and is fully depreciated so we offered it to him rent free. After he did a beautiful $150K remodel he moved in and has been President of the Homeowner's Association for the last five years and the development is in the best cosmetic and financial shape it has ever been in.

I've always had a bit of an independent streak. I went away for college and lived/worked summers in the college town. When I graduated, I had a job lined up and took a salary advance to get my own apartment.

However, on the opposite end of the spectrum...four of my other siblings lived at home both during and after college and have been (in varying degrees) pretty dependent on my parents for financial support. Pretty sure my parents "enabled" this, since now that everyone is (finally) out of the nest, my dad says the house feels empty and keeps trying to convince some of them to move back. I just tell him to get a smaller house!

At the beginning of my undergrad education, I had two room mates and we shared a 3-bedroom apartment. Both of them bailed on me, and my parents let me move back in, rent-free, for a couple of months, with a 'move back out' deadline set when I moved back in. When it looked like I was in no hurry to find a new place, my stepdad let me know the deadline wasn't a joke and a I got a studio apartment.

The summer between getting my Master's degree and going out of state after a PhD, I moved in with my dad and my half-brothers & half-sister. It was the first time I had lived with him (except to visit) since I was 2.

I left home when I started college and I never moved back. So did all my siblings! Despite that, we all have a great relationship with my father with a lot of mutual respect on all sides. I think the fact that Dad kept the themostat at 52oF had something to do with it...

My folks charged rent of $20 a month from the time I was 16 (about 20% of my income.) I also had to help with any and all work in our home. When I was a 2nd semester sophomore in college, I lost my job and almost had to leave. But, Mom sent the money I had paid in rent to cover my expenses so I wouldn't lose what I had already paid.

I moved home several times through college and working. In fact, when I was seeking a federal job I had to be investigated. They wanted to know if I did not get along with my step-mother. The lady asked did not know she was my s-m. That made Mom feel great. However, Mom said they were asking the wrong questions. At 25, they should have been asking why I was moving home so often! The last time I moved home it was at her request. When I got the federal job that was the last time I left home and it was permanent.

When I left for college my brother gave me these words of advice, "go away, stay away, visit on holidays." And I did just that. My senior year of college I got one job offer for a company I wasn't too excited about in an different area of the country. But when it came between employment or rolling the dice by going back home and hoping for something better, employment won easily.

Breaking free by moving to a completely new area has its benefits. You learn a lot about "the real world" when you don't have that parent safety net.

My mom would have enforced none of these rules. We have always had a blended household. If I weren't so independent, I could have easily mooched off my mom. The thing is, she is very poor, which would mean I'd be poor and I wanted a higher standard of living.

Instead, I dug out of poverty and took her along with me. Now she lives in the same town we do and life is good.

I have mooching relatives that relied on their parents generosity til they died and it's such a sad story how it all ended. I hope that this will never happen with my own children, so in my case, I think I'd want to put some of those rules in place because hopefully I won't have the negative incentive to move.

good synopsis. i am too a long way out, but this helps. some form of accountability seems to do the trick. that said, i have always had a difficult time understanding the whole "can't wait till the kids move out" mentality. i know it is a cultural thing, but in most asian countries you have a joint family system wherein everyone lives together, and properties are passed on (i.e. son takes over running the household once he becomes able/capable in all respects and as parents age). kids take care of their parents as the parents took care of them when they were growing up and needed help. i sometimes question that if people really can't wait to have the kids move out, then why have them to begin with? i do agree that kids should (and do in joint systems) contribute to the household, either financially or by helping out with chores.

would love to hear more about the rationale?

My husband and I moved out from our respective parents' homes quickly, but we are both independent Type A people. In addition my husband paid for a lot of his own expenses through college, so he already had a job (though not a great job) that he knew could cover basic expenses even after graduation.

My husband's little sister had a very different experience. Mom and Dad paid for all her college expenses and supported her living in pricier apartments than she would have chosen because of "safety" (in reality, snob appeal of the areas). They weren't willing to let her live in the poorer college apartments because they felt they weren't safe. In most cases they were safe, but the other people who lived there were as poor as most college students normally should be and didn't meet the social criteria the parents expected. As a result, my husband's sister never felt pressured to get a job that would pay her bills or cover her expenses. She got play jobs after college and her parents kept paying for her housing to make sure it was "safe" rather than requrining her to be responsible for herself or insisting she get a roommate.

After about 8 years they put their foot down enough to make her move home until she finished a masters and is finally getting ready to move out again.

This is a great site. My two girls will be moving back home for 2years.

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