Money, Marriage, and Difficulty

For those of you new to Free Money Finance, I post on The Bible and Money every Sunday. Here's why.

Recently some of the Christian Financial Alliance members answered the question "What do you think is the biggest struggle for married couples when it comes to money?" Here's my answer:

"Being on the same page concerning all the aspects of personal finance: earning, saving, spending, giving, etc.”

Thankfully, my wife and I have very similar thoughts about how to handle money (we attended a Larry Burkett Bible study shortly after we were married, and that had a GREAT impact in making us see eye-to-eye.) Of course, like any couple, we do have our differences. But these are few and far between and are settled relatively quickly and without much trouble. It's been a big blessing to our marriage that finances haven't been an issue -- especially since we know how many marriages are impacted by disagreements over finances (many of them leading to divorces.)

So my advice for how to get on the same page as your spouse financially would be to attend a Crown Financial Ministries, Dave Ramsey (held at many churches), or some similar, Bible-based (yes, Dave Ramsey uses biblical references in his teachings) as a couple, preferably as soon after your married (or even prior to marriage) as possible.

I'm interested in knowing your take on this issue. Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

Comments

[Matt]

Fortunately my wife and I are on the same page when it comes to spending. We have seen many of our friends struggle with not being on the same page. Some a little and yes even a divorce because she was a clinically depressed shopaholic.
A friend of ours gave us the advice to always keep talking about your money and how to spend and that help keeping you on the same page. I also liked Larry Burket and other Christian based financial people. They have helped me to keep focus on our relationship with my wife, God and how money is involved.

[optionsdude]

You are absolutely right that couples often come into a marriage with differing expectations and one of those areas in which they differ is money. The key is communication and figuring out where each person is coming from. Then compromise and discussing common goals can occur next.

[B Kelly]

honestly, i struggle with aligning our money viewpoints, but it's getting a little easier as time goes...we spent many hours 'talking' about it and each of us have different expectations on the subject. thankfully, we compromise and that helps us get past our gridlocks! ;p

[Old Limey]

If a marriage is to endure it's important that both parties are in agreement on all apects of their personal finances. We will have been married for 55 years this July and reached that point a long time ago. In the beginning we had our differences but as time went on we each changed a little to accomodate the other's views and reach agreement. In our particular marriage there are many things that I leave up to her, because she is better at them, and there are many things that she likewise leaves up to me.

I tend to believe that the best marriages are not between a couple that are like two peas in a pod but between two people that bring different ideas, concepts, and beliefs to the table, and that over time they come to realize that things work out much better when the responsibilities are divided according to each person's abilities and desires. It's all about making compromises.

It's a real joy when you know each other intimately and can lead a life where the responsibilities are shared and both parties feel fulfilled and happy. My wife is a "People" person whereas I am more of a "Numbers" person but what has helped the most is that we came from identical socio-economic backgrounds and grew up a mile or two from each other, so we have very common interests.

[J.P.]

By the grace of God, finance has never been an area of struggle in our marriage. We were both raised in households with a "Don't spend it unless you have it" mentality, so we were blessed that neither of us is a big spender. We also tend to agree on where, when, and how to spend when we do spend.

Since I have no background in struggling with finances, I can't with credibility suggest options, but I would echo comments made about Crown Financial or Dave Ramsey. If a marriage is in trouble and finances are a cause, don't give up without trying to get the financial house in order. Dark clouds there may be shrouding bright lights in another area of your marriage.

[Norma]

OL I certianly agree with you. I was at a wedding last night. The couple's parents were so much alike. I really believe they have a good start.

Conversely, a coworker, with whom I've been trying to get to a Dave Ramsey course for the last year, just moved his wife out. Now he's worried about "what she's gonna' take". Very sad.

[Paul]

My wife was part of Dave Ramsey's FPU course at her church when we were dating. We listened to Dave's CDs together and discussed them in detail. That really helped us. We put tithing first, debt paydown second, and all other spending a distant third in our priorities, and we are much better off for it.

[Kathryn]

I agree that attending a financial seminar together can be a real blessing, but I think the kinds of financial problems that lead to serious marital trouble and/or divorce are likely just a symptom of a deeper problem. I think they usually arise out of a situation where one or both spouses are putting their own habits/desires/needs ahead of their marriage and family. E.g., maybe one spouse likes to buy expensive clothes or electronics, even when there's no money for those things in the budget. At its root, that's not a financial issue--it's one of caring more about Stuff than about the marriage and the family's financial well-being. And that spouse is not going to get on board with good stewardship until s/he is more committed to building a strong home than to satisfying his/her material desires.