The Cost of Being a Bridesmaid

Here's an update on an issue we've covered before -- the cost of being a bridesmaid. A summary of the situation from CNN:

After adding up the cost of the dress, accessories, travel expenses, wedding gifts and more, WeddingChannel.com found that it costs about $1,695 to be a bridesmaid. The estimate was based on a 2010 Real Weddings study that surveyed more than 20,000 brides nationwide.

The highest expenses include travel to the wedding, shower and bachelorette party, which each can cost an average of $300.

Really? $1,700? Is this really "average" or is it inflated (like the "average" costs of weddings) by the high-end side of the sample? Any of you ladies care to comment?

Here's a better idea. Let's say you want to have four bridesmaids. Instead of having them each shell out $1,700, suggest that you save them $700 by having each of them simply give you $1,000. They save money and you get $4k!!!! Ka-ching!!!

Ok, I'm guessing most people wouldn't like the suggestion, but still, it's an option. ;-)

Seriously, has anyone spent close to (or over!)? $1,700 to be a bridesmaid in one wedding? And for the rest of you, are there any money saving tips you have for decreasing the cost of being a bridesmaid?

Comments

[Tariq @ Yes I Am Cheap]

Alright. That's too expensive. Does the wedding ring even cost that? But marriage is a once-in-a-lifetime affair so we may consider making it special.

[STRONGside]

Obviously, I have never been a bridesmaid but I have been a groomsmen plenty of time, and my wife has a closet full of bridesmaids dresses. $1700 is a gross overstatement from the "average" cost to be a bridesmaid. I would suggest somewhere between $400-$500. Still a lot of money, but no where close to their estimate. My biggest suggestion for saving money is to convince the bride to let you find your own dress. Many may not go for this option, but it is a great way to recycle bridesmaid dresses and save a ton of money.

[C.M.C.]

My close friend was a maid of honor for her best friend, whos wedding was in cali. We're from NY, so it cost her $3,000 to be maid of honor!

[sandra]

It all depends on travel. Most brides try to keep the dress and accessory costs down for their bridesmaids. In my experience, most weddings cost me approximately $400 (but I'm in a fairly low cost of living area in the south), but I had one that was a little over $1000 total b/c I had to fly halfway across the country. I guess I could have just not gone at all to save money, but the wedding was for my best friend from college so I wanted to attend - so the travel expense was locked in whether or not I was a bridesmaid.

[Jessica]

A bridesmaid dress is tacky and worthless. You wear it once, and don't want to be seen in it again. Typically, once the bride marries, you never hear from her again after you get a form-letter "thank you" note. It's not worth it - the dress, the travel expenses, the gifts.

[Everyday Tips]

I have been a bridesmaid about 10 times I think. Some cost me about $300, but that was 20 years ago. The costliest was when I had to go to California for my brother's wedding. But I wouldn't have included the cost of travel for being a bridesmaid because I would have flown out to the wedding whether I was in the wedding party or not.

We just celebrated our 20th, and I cringed when I looked at what I made my poor bridesmaids wear. Eeks!

[Linda]

I've been married twice and both times *I* paid for my maid of honor's dress (just had the one attendant). Why should someone else pay for the privilege of being in your wedding, wearing something of the bride's choosing that probably won't be worn again?

[Crystal]

I have no idea if it costs that much, but if it does, I will bow out if I'm ever asked. That is just nuts! My maid of honor was my younger sister and her dress was less than $60!

[Jonathan]

First of all, I'm sure that this "average" (if even remotely accurate) is wildly inflated by the high side. The "median" or "mode" cost would be much more appropriate to discuss. Secondly, in nearly all of the weddings I've been to, the vast majority of people in the wedding party have been local to the wedding itself, so no travel costs. Thirdly, if you're close enough to someone to be a bridesmaid (or groomsmen), it is highly likely that you're traveling to the wedding and shower regardless of being in the wedding party or not, so travel costs are not part of the direct cost. Fourthly, it would be a pretty heartless bride to expect her bridesmaids to spend thousands of dollars to travel for a shower, bachelorette party, AND wedding. You could certainly bow out of one or both of the former events.

[Dotty dot dot]

Sounds about right to me, especially if you're including travel (especially long distance travel), are expected to buy your own dress and participate in all the pre-wedding parties.

Knowing how expensive it is (can be), some brides are very mindful of costs. To cite my own example, I paid for my girls dresses ($350 a pop for 7 girls = not cheap), purchased their jewellery (faux pearls $12 a pop for 7 girls) and encouraged them to use shoes they already had and to do their own hair/makeup. The only thing I asked them to pay for was tailoring the dresses to ensure a perfect fit. I gave them a gift for being a part of my wedding party (a small clutch purse). Only one girl had long-distance travel, but I'll be traveling to her wedding next summer so it evens out :)

I'm not rich. I knew what I wanted and I budgeted accordingly. They were representing me, so I didn't think it was fair to have them pay for that "privilege"!

[WeddingCrashers]

I believe it. That is actually low for many. My gf was just a bridesmaid.

FL > NY travel THREE times for batchelorette party, bridal shower and wedding. Two nights in $400 night room at just the wedding. Dress was relatively cheap at $150. Wedding gift. And a number of other expenses I'm leaving out...

[Steve]

The linked chart to the article shows $900 of this is combined 'travel' to shower, party, and wedding, then there are also gifts for many events and then there are monetary contributions to pay for shower and party (the cost of the dress itself was minimal). If you're going to do all of this and air travel is involved, well then $1700 sounds right.

[Jennifer Lissette]

I spent almost that much for the last wedding I was in. I was maid of honor and pregnant and the wedding was four days before my due date. Since there was a very real chance that I might call her on the morning of her wedding and not be able to attend, or worse, have my water break while standing beside her, I wanted to throw her an amazing bridal shower. I hosted it at a beautiful winery with professional catering and unlimited wine for the ladies. The cost was nearly $1200. Add on the wedding present and the cost of a maternity bridesmaid dress and there you have it, nearly $1700.

Of course, had there not been a chance that I was going to leak amniotic fluid all over the altar, I would've spent much less. But to be honest, it was worth the cost to me and if in that particular situation again, I'd do it the same way.

[Ginger]

I really think it is the travel costs. I had three bridesmaid, only one spent a lot and that is because she flew from DC to Ca. The others just paid for their dresses and alterations which cost about $100/bridesmaid.

[Jenna]

You can't count travel to the wedding, which you probably would have gone to anyway, assuming you are close enough friends for her to ask you to be a bridesmaid. You might even have gone to her shower and bachelorette party - these aren't just for the official bridal party. So, the "bridesmaid" part may only include your dress and whatever primping you do beforehand (hair/makeup/nails) if the bride isn't paying, and maybe an extra night in a hotel since you might not have arrived early if you didn't have to be at the rehearsal. I'd say $300-500 is probably what I've spent on average on *just* bridesmaid-related expenses.

Really, it's the cost of attending the wedding itself that is expensive. Out of several weddings I have been in or attended in the last few years, none of them have been in town, so travel costs have been the most significant part for me.

[Kelsey]

Well, speaking as someone who is a bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding, here are my expenses so far:

Bachelorette weekend: $315 for airfare, $50 for gifts, $150 for spa day, wine tasting, and misc. food over the weekend

Dress: $150 approximate, with alterations, etc.

Wedding weekend: $300 for airfare, $100 for splitting hotel room costs, $100 for gift (engagement and wedding combined), $100 for everything else: misc. meals, getting ready costs, etc.

So estimated total is: $1,265

Yes, it's a good amount, but I'd only spend this much on my closest friend's wedding! I wouldn't be flying out twice for other bridesmaid roles.

[Charissa]

I just got married last August and it was important for us to have our bridesmaids and groomsmen in the wedding and not have to pay for some suit / dress that we picked out and they may or may not wear again. We opted to pay for their dresses and rented suits and budgeted for this. I only had 1 sister that had to travel with her family to get here.

Some got us gifts and some didn't, so for some it free. We also just had a low key bachorlette party at a local bar. I do think its hard when someone asks you to be in their wedding and then you have to pay upwards of $400 to rent some fancy tux or buy a dress they picked out.

Weddings have gotten too costly, in my opinion. What ever happened to a wedding with just cake and punch served afterwards?

[Noadi]

I've only been a bridesmaid once (for my best friend) and I was asked to buy my dress and shoes which totaled about $200. Travel was negligible since it was in a local church and the reception was at a banquet hall maybe a mile from the church. I didn't have to pay to have my makeup and hair done and wasn't expected to give a wedding present (I did but it was a painting I did for the couple so the cost was mostly in my time).

I'm sure the travel expense is skewing the numbers as well as the cost of really high end weddings. If you're traveling a long distance for the wedding that can really add up, plane tickets, rental car, hotel, etc. on top of what the dress, shoes, etc. cost.

[Noadi]

Also @Jessica: If that's how your friends treat you after they get married then you might want to find better friends. I don't think there's a single one of my married friends that I don't see or hear from regularly (some I wish I could see more often but they live far away), my best friend who I was also a bridesmaid for I still spend time with 2-3 times a weeks

I do agree on the dresses though. My bridesmaid dress was quite pretty, a nice navy blue gown, but it's far too formal for anything else I'll ever use it for. It's been hanging unworn in my closet for the last 7 years. Someday I'll either get rid of it or chop it off into a shorter strapless dress.

[Claire]

I got married 3 months ago. My bridesmaids wore ~$60 Tommy Bahama sun dresses that they will be able to wear for years, and silver sandals that are totally wearable. We did our own makeup, but they paid for their own hair. The wedding was in a house, so accommodations were included. My maid of honour had about a 3 hour drive, everyone else was local. No bridal shower, and just night out for the bachelorette party...total cost per bridesmaid, maybe $150. $200 at the outside... Actually, in our wedding, it cost more to be a groomsman!

[Jessica]

Actually, my sister was the #1 dumper of friends after she got married. She doesn't even talk to me.

[Jessica]

I guess I should also say that I've only been crapped on by married "friends".

But thanks for pointing out that I'm some sort of loser. Married people are too busy being a couple and doing couple-only things to deal with unmarried losers, that is until they want something, like free babysitting. Turns out that, according to my sister, that being single means being rich.

[Aunt Jenny]

I have been a bridesmaid 9 time throughout my life. The cost for me has been about $300 - $600, which includes the wedding present. These weddings have all been in the Chicago area where I live - so have not had airfair expenses. My friends are for the most part reasonable - have not had a Bridezilla to deal with - and all have taken cost into consideration when choosing bridesmaid dresses, etc (I have been lucky).

When it comes to the wedding present, if I am in a wedding, the wedding gift/shower gift is much more modest than if I were just attending the wedding.

[Lucia]

The total cost for my wedding was well under $1000. That of course doesn't include travel or hotel costs for out-of-town guests, of whom we had few, and most of them stayed with friends or family. My dress cost $35 (yes, really), and my maid of honor's cost around $25 at Filene's Basement. She was the only bridesmaid. We had modest bouquets. We had about 70 guests for an afternoon wedding followed by a tea reception, that is buffet appetizers, a smallish stock of wine bought the day before at the liquor store, coffee, tea, and of course cake. My dad and a couple of his friends played music, to which we and guests danced, or not, as they wished. Since the musicians weren't miked, conversation proceeded normally among nondancers. (If I could offer two suggestions to wedding planners both professional and amateur, the first would be "don't bankrupt the bridal party" and the second would be "don't deafen the guests.")

Granted, this took place 30 years ago, but nobody has to go overboard or pay a fortune for a dress she'll wear once (or require her friends to do the same).

I've been a bridesmaid only once, for my SIL; it was also a long time ago, and my generous FIL picked up a lot of the tab, but even if he hadn't it would have been nowhere near $1700. The most DH and I ever spent on a wedding was on our ex-babysitter's, which took place in Mexico. Most of it was for plane fare and hotel; we had a lot of fun, and we got a trip to Mexico. We are not the kind of people who travel internationally for weddings, but we could pay for it, and if you don't live a little you might as well be dead.

[Sarah]

I hate these type of articles because they always include things that have nothing to do with the bridesmaid. Like travel to the shower and wedding? If you aren't in the wedding, you still have those expenses. The gift? Are you really going to not give a gift unless you are in the wedding?

Actual costs that can be attributed to the bridesmaids (from the linked chart):
- contribute to shower ($50)
- contribute to bachelorette party ($60)
- dress ($150)
- alterations ($50)
- shoes & jewelry ($135)
- hair & makeup ($100)

This totals $545 by my count. The other stuff (all the gifts, travel, etc.) have nothing to do with being a bridesmaid.

And i left off lingerie because I have never heard of that having anything to do with being a bridesmaid?