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December 14, 2011


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"Odds are you probably won't be friends in 10 years anyway."

And after using this tactic, a betting man would call this "a lock!"

Been a bridesmaid for 2 of my gal pals so far. One I've known since junior high (I'm now 26) and the other since college. I'm glad I haven't been asked more than that, because yes it is expensive.

Once you say yes, it's hard to be the kill joy and say no to everything. My friend from junior high wanted her bachelorette party in Las Vegas so that was costly (ticket was almost $300 for Memorial Day weekend).

I thought I wanted a huge wedding, but the more I think about it the more I want to keep it small. I just want to get married in church, take some nice pictures, then go on a honeymoon!

I've done this. I graciously declined to serve as Maid of Honor for one of my very best friends, who I've been close with for over 15 years, and have no doubt I will be for (at least 15 more). It was a tough decision, but definitely the right one at the time. Reason being, she and her husband were planning a small, private ceremony on the beach in California for NYE where only their immediate family and 2 very close friends would be in attendance. They would have a reception four months later for friends and family - also in California.

Given that my husband and I live in a different state, AND were in the process of buying a house, we knew that we could not make TWO trips to California to celebrate this friend's marriage. So I decided to forego the ceremony itself (a tough decision, as I typically think the ceremony is far more important than the party) and only attend the reception at a later date, and strictly as a guest, which meant there were no bridesmaid-esque costs associated with attending.

This decision was well-received by my friend and had no adverse effect on our relationship at all.

I actually love this idea, and I wish I'd had a crystal ball for the friendship of one wedding I was in. We haven't spoken since the wedding, and I spent a ton of money on her bridesmaid's dress.

More people should just say, sorry, I'd love to, but we can't afford it.

I would have no problem declining. I don't have that kind of extra cash laying around, and weddings aren't much fun anyway.

I have long believed that the person paying for the wedding (the couple or the parents of the couple) should pay for the attire of the attendants. Usually, the wedding party are young people still in college or beginning their career and have very little cash for purchasing their formal wear. Also, out of town attendants should have their travel paid for by the same person. It doesn't seem like too much of an honor to invite someone to stand up front with you as your close friend and have that same close friend pay deeply for that opportunity. When our daughter got married, this is what we did and it worked out great!

@ Grammy -- I like your style. I've never been in a wedding but when I got married, my one bridesmaid asked me what she should wear, and I said, "You've been dressing yourself for 35 years -- I'm sure you can figure it out. Just look great, okay?" I didn't expect her (or my brother, my Man of Honor) to put on any events, much less pay for them -- the wedding was the only thing I cared about having help for. The only thing she bought was a small wedding present. If she'd had to lay out more than, say, a token $20 I would've considered it my ethical responsibility to pick up that extra obligated cost. Btw, we had been friends for 20+ years by then and still are.

My bridesmaid I haven't seen or spoken to since soon after my wedding. We lived far apart, had no internet and I don't even know her married name. But we were good friends the years we worked together and I did not ask her to do anything but to dress appropriately. I provided the bouquets. A big wedding was not on my agenda. Actually, I guess it could be counted as big - I invited the whole church and all my friends and lots of them attended. Another but - no big dinner, drinks, etc. The reception was held in the church basement and we served cake and punch @ 8 p.m.

I've done this.
Didn't hurt any friendships.

Once you've earned a reputation for saying no thanks, you don't get asked again all too often.

I married at age 20, before all my friends. I had only my sisters for attendants, and I bought all their dresses.

The reason I declined requests to be a bridesmaid is that a married woman is no longer a 'maid' so it isn't fitting, IMHO, to be a 'bridesmaid' once you've already been a bride. When you think about it, dressing alike and then being paired off for dinner and dancing with a random groomsman appeals even less to married women than to single ladies. It was never due to finances, but the savings is an added bonus.

I'd stand up for any of my sisters as Matron-of-Honor in a heartbeat, but they eloped.

I love weddings.

For my own wedding, there are a lot of people I would love to invite, but I know this will make it much more expensive.

However, luckily, I have no interest in expensive bridesmaid dresses or even my own dress, or huge decoration, or a fancy location. I've always thought a huge potluck in someone's backyard would be a cool wedding - although sadly this probably won't happen for me. =)

I also think that saying no should be an option if you are in hard financial times or the person is just not a good friend I guess? Otherwise, saying no simply because you'd rather keep that extra money for yourself instead of celebrating it on your friend is selfish. In my opinion. That is assuming your friend isn't expecting a really huge amount from you. Then it is your friend being selfish.

I think for my wedding I will hand like $50 to all my bridesmaids and tell them to find a dress they like in whatever my colour-scheme happens to be, if I have one. =) It can be as expensive or cheap as they want, but I'll only pay $50. Of course, if they choose something they already own then I am taking the $50 back haha

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