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« FMF March Money Madness, Round 2, Posts 29-32 | Main | Oh, No, or Ono? »

March 24, 2012

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Definitely have that talk before the wedding goes into the planning stage. Less emotions and and hassles. Then stick to the budget! We did this with our first daughters wedding and it worked out really nice. They wanted a small simple wedding anyway, and both families are frugal to boot so we didn't have any problems there as well. I know families who go into massive debt for weddings and pay for them for many years. Not something my husband and I wanted to do. Since we had more kids to put through college, and that we needed to keep saving for retirement, my kids understand there is limited cash flow from the folks. Not that we didn't help, we just made it clear how much we could provide towards a wedding. The really amazing thing is, that since it was simple, and very low cost it forced us all to be "creative" with many aspects that are very costly, and ended up costing us, and the bride and groom almost nothing. It still was a wonderful day and very memorable!!

Our wedding must have been incredibly cheap. I know my mother-in-law made my wife's dress, my mother made silk flowers, and the reception was at the home of mutual friends.
Twenty six years later, our daughter's wedding cost us about $8000. Way below the average, and 200 guests still had a great time.

When our first daughter was going to be married, we decided to provide a cash gift that could be used any way they wished: wedding, honeymoon, other plans. A few years later, we decided to make the same offer to our second daughter before we knew if she were going to marry because we didn't want to make her feel she had to marry in order to receive the same gift. Our third daughter received the same offer. We wanted them to know the freedom to please themselves in their own way. We had seen unfortunate consequences when money came with strings attached. Even so, we could no help but make one demand. We had to be invited if there were a wedding. They have all managed to cope with this. ;)

My wife and I paid for our wedding (about $8000) 100% by ourselves. Our parents certainly could and would have paid that much, but then they would have insisted on changes to the ceremony and reception we wanted.

I really like the way that you are planning on presenting the wedding funds to your kids - it takes the controlling parents/in-laws out of the picture. At one point, my parents had planned on paying for part of my and my sister's wedding, but since our college educations cost far more than originally anticipated and I've received various cash amounts since graduating as well, I will likely be on the hook for my own wedding. Unless my sister gets married first and my parents give her some money...

My hubby and I got married when we were in our late 30's so by that time both of our dad's had passed away. We took our mom's and a few others up to Lake Tahoe to get married outside in the backyard of an older house turned into a chapel inside and a beautiful flower garden outside! I suggest everyone should go to Lake Tahoe! Between tickets to fly, hotel rooms and dinner after the wedding, we spent about $3,000 and paid for it ourselves. All 36 pictures by the lake and in the backyard of the house are awesome and look like they were out of a magazine! We didn't spend a whole lot and had a beautiful day! Now that I am talking about this, I think it is time for a post on my blog of do it yourself weddings like we did!

I guess I got off pretty lightly.

My eldest daughter was married the first time in a tiny chapel and we held the reception at some incredibly beautiful Japanese gardens using an outside caterer that allowed us to bring our own champagne, wine, and kegs of beer. The wedding pictures were gorgeous and took full advantage of the giant bamboo, Japanese tea room, curved bridges, ponds, waterfalls, and abundant maples and cherry blossom trees. It was a very happy wedding - too bad the marriage didn't last since I really liked the husband a lot and one weekend we climbed Mt. Shasta together. He was from a very small town in Montana and his parents invited us back to Montana for a pack trip with mules through the Little Big Horn mountains where we had a great time with the best trout fishing of my life. My daughter paid for her next two weddings which were simple affairs.

My other daughter married a very wealthy attorney from NJ that insisted on doing everything his way. He had the whole works. He flew in 650 guests from back East at his expense, held it at the fanciest hotel in town, had two bands, a famous New York photographer, and videographer, huge ice sculptures and an incredible reception with his friends "Peter, Paul & Mary" singing their composition of the Wedding Song. That was the first day. The second day continued with a poolside get together, more drinking and more entertainment. That marriage lasted 18 years but ended 4 years ago soon after their 8 year old daughter died of brain cancer - she was the glue holding it together.

Anyone who is old enough to get married is old enough to pay for it themselves.

I plan to do the same thing you are doing. I will give each of my kids a set amount to spend. Of course, I would prefer they use it for a down payment on their house, but it will be their choice.

Its a ritual in in our culture that parents bear the wedding cost. I got my parent pa for my wedding and I don't see any thing different for our child's marriage.It's one of our saving goals.

I paid for my own, and expect my son/daughter to do the same. They're supposed to be financially independent when they get married, why parents still need to pay? I don't get it.

I will be 30 next year when I get married. Since my fiance and I both have been working at good paying jobs for a while, I never expected my parents to pay. They still gave us a check to help with costs. The bigger surprise is that my parents, who are SUPER frugal people, thought we had an impossible goal of keeping the wedding day under 10k(food, photographs, venue, dress, etc for under 100 people). They're more traditional and think the day would be worth it. I agree that it's an important day, but spending 10k on one day still seems crazy to me. They even offered to give more money but I told them that I was against the principle of spending so much on one day.

I've been married twice, both small weddings that we paid for ourselves except that I relented and let my Dad pay for a few things here & there because he really wanted to. My father's far from wealthy & I wouldn't feel right sticking him with a significant bill.

I agree with Melissa--anyone who is old enough to get married can pay for it themselves. I also don't understand or believe in weddings being massively expensive and showy parties--getting married is about the relationship, not the wedding, IMO.

I have 2 teenage kids who I suppose might eventually get married--I'm going to pay for their college educations, which I'm saving up for, and we're not poor. I might help them with down payments or such in the future, but paying for expensive weddings is not something I've even considered doing.

My wife and I eloped to Italy and then drove around the Tuscany region for a honeymoon. Incredibly cost-effective and very romantic. Even now, a decade later, we often talk about what a great decision that was.

We paid for our own wedding (at 20 and 21 years old.) Our parents did gift us money as wedding presents that collectively almost covered the entire cost of the wedding, but that did not impact the wedding planning as it was received after the wedding.

If we are financially able at the time, I would not mind contributing to my son's wedding expenses. He's only 20 months old so it'll be awhile yet :)

My brother is currently planning his wedding (well, his fiance is planning the wedding since he's 5000 miles away.) Her parents said they would pay for it (her father comes across as very traditional) and they have been assisting the planning. Midway through the planning her father announced that he would not pay more than $X000 and the rest was up to them. Something like that would have been helpful to know at the beginning of the planning not once she'd surpassed the number. Perfect example of how not to handle that sort of thing.

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